National News

Tony Blair has already earned more than you will this year and it's only January. For those unfamiliar, Mr Blair is the most successful leader the Labour Party has ever had. He won one of...

Authors of satirical magazines and websites across the globe have confirmed that reality has now overtaken the worst piss-taking they could ever imagine. "Donald Trump has made all my efforts redundant" confides Daily Mash contributor...

President Baxter of the Dogs has today issued an ultimatum and warning to his Cat counterpart, Beloved Leader Felix, over the rising tension in back yards across the globe. "What Mr Felix fails to recognise...

A team of former special-forces mercenaries have been arrested in connection with the criminal use of drones which has caused the widespread disruption to flights at Gatwick airport, police have told The Rochdale Herald. In...

Bank of England catastrophe juggler, Mark Carney, made no change to interest rates this lunchtime. Rochdale savers wondering exactly what this means have had things explained by local financial whizzkid, Imran Stockdale: "Currently your savings accrue...

With the season now officially spring, clocks up and down the nations have been moved forward one hour to adjust to British Summer Time; or if you are from Burnley, they just happen to...

The Scottish National Party has released an official statement denying that their desire for Scottish independence is motivated by a historic mistrust of the English, explaining that it’s actually the Welsh they want to...

Her Majesty the Queen is expected to travel to Berlin later today to ask German Chancellor Angela Merkel to form a government for the United Kingdom. This morning the royal spokesperson stated, "With such a pathetic...

Tube Chat Badges given out to travellers on the London Underground to encourage people to talk more are said to be a surprising success, according to some reports today. The badges, which are not supplied...

"Normally we only get foreign potentates, third world dictators, drug magnates and the odd closet Nazi holidaying here," said Herman Gnom, spokesman for Zurich's Lavamatbank explaining that footage of a genuine prime minister - even one with no majority, no mandate and about to be deposed by her own party has been a huge boost for Swiss banks' credibility.

Popular broadcaster and adventurist Ben Fogle has been declared an endangered species on Twitter after sustaining numerous headshots from people ridiculing his idea for singing to the Queen. The 46 year old, whose other good...

Experts are tonight warning that Britain's stoner community could run out of things to talk about in as little as 24 hours. The warnings come amidst rumours that the Government is considering legalising cannabis. Dr...

Dozens injured after Chris Grayling attempts to throw hat into the ring for Conservative Leadership Several hundred innocent bystanders were left with horrendous injuries, many the authorities are describing as life altering, after a building...

Steven Woolfe, a total barrister who serves as a legal adviser to hedge fund managers and bankers narrowly missed his chance to become replacement Man Of The People by not filling the application in...

Buckingham Palace sources have told The Rochdale Herald that it is "pretty bloody unlikely" that the next Royal baby will be a ginger. They declined to go into any further detail other than to...

A Bloke with shaved legs and huge collection of children's toys denies mid-life crisis. A forty two year old man from Rochdale who shaves his legs in the bath twice a week and has an...