14.8 C
Rochdale, UK

Breaking News: Hundreds of MP’s feared dead in Catastrophic Westminster fire

This could be the headline if the Houses of Parliament aren't upgraded. A one off special of the show 'Homes Under The Hammer' will be broadcast next week on the BBC, in which international investor...
Bearded "hipster"

Hipster twats demand clean shaven white twats condemn terror twats

Nathan Barley led calls today for clean shaven white twats to “take responsibility for their community.” “It is imperative, at this time of national crisis, for us to be clear that not all white twats...

MI5 confirms general election result was hacked – by the electorate

In a shock break with traditional security protocol MI5 Friday announced that they had conclusive proof that the results of Thursday's general election had been hacked by a group intent on throwing the country...

UK disqualified from piss up in a brewery world championship

After the snap, crackle and pop election called by Theresa May has resulted in a hung parliament, it's clear that the repercussions reach further than the political world. So far indeed that the UK...
May and Cameron

Theresa May Attempting To Make David Cameron Look Better In Retrospect

Theresa May’s goal as Prime Minister is to ensure that people don’t remember David Cameron’s premiership as the worst in history, it has emerged. Speaking outside Number 10 Downing Street, press spokesman Arnold Robinson said,...
Buckingham Palace

Donald Trump declares Buckingham Palace ‘shit hole’ and offers to pay for repairs.

After a petition to stop the orange Hitler visiting the Queen passed 1.7 million signatures, the tyrannical dictator offered to meet the new President in secret. Hair Force 1 arrived at Buckingham Palace just after...

Owen Smith Recognised in Tesco Express

In a massive boost for the right of The Labour Party, Owen Smith was spotted and recognised in a Tesco Express in Camden yesterday. Scum sucking traitorous coup plotting back stabbers rejoiced as the...

Big 6 to impose “Christmas Levy” on consumers

The Big 6 electricity providers are set to impose a special levy on households deemed to have displays of more than 5 metres of Christmas lighting this year.  The energy companies are concerned that with...

More Surprises In May’s New Cabinet As Corbyn Appointed Home Secretary

Corbyn Appointed Home Secretary and Third Horseman Of The Apocalypse Blojo ‘humbled’ at Horseman position Eagle ‘furious’ In her first full day in office at Downing Street, Theresa May continued to assemble her new...

We demand the tooth!

Tory MP David Davies has demanded that the most recent group of refugee children, newly arrived in Britain, be taken straight to the dentist.  After their perilous journey, together with their ordeal in the jungle...
Daily Mail Readers

Mail Online reassures readers faulty fridge wasn’t bought by a white person

The Mail-online has sought to reassure readers that it was a slack-jawed, lazy, drunken black man who bought the fridge that started the Grenfell tower blaze. The 'news source' which has access to files that...

Nuclear war could be a massive boost for post Brexit British industry

A globally devastating nuclear war could prove to be a massive boost for post Brexit British industry, the UK's Secretary of State for International Trade, former Secretary of State for Defence, and enthusiastic poultry...

Rupert Murdoch still on course to become Britain’s longest-serving Prime Minister

With only two days of campaigning left before the general election, polling suggests that Rupert Murdoch is still on course to become Britain’s longest-serving Prime Minister. Despite an upsurge in support for Labour over the...

“It’s time to take back control”, writes The Queen

One's elected representatives are a complete shambles, One writes. One will not invite any of the proffered candidates to form a government. Instead one will lead the country oneself. In times of crisis a leader...

Nuttall to captain UK Olympic waterboarding team

UKIP party leader, former archbishop of Canterbury, Duke of Edinburgh in Waiting and Huddersfield Town striker, Paul Nuttall has been named as the captain of the UK's waterboarding team for the 2020...

The Shard ‘nearly finished’

The Shard in London is nearing completion, according to developers. Once finished, it will stand at 310m and will be the tallest building in the United Kingdom and the 105th tallest in the world. Construction began in March 2009 but...

Follow_on_AppleNews_wht_badge_RGB_US-UK

Popular Posts