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Rochdale, UK

Hospital P.O.S. system hailed a success

A new high tech electronic point-of-sale system developed by a Rochdale company has been described as 'an outstanding success' by managers and staff at Hillingdon Hospital in Middlesex. SVD Systems completed installation of the...
Bob Marley

Bob Marley suspended from Labour Party over claims iron lions are from Zion

Scandal has hit the beleaguered former political party, the Labour Party, this morning after a kangaroo court voted to suspend the dead Rastafarian singer Bob Marley for anti-semitism. "You can't just go around throwing words...

Scientists reveal 2016 to be a fake year

It has been established by scientists at Rochdale Community University that 2016 was the result of an illegal artificial intelligence experiment.  Herr Dr Professor Doktor said, "A couple of postgraduates fed some algorithms into our...

Radical preacher Anjem Choudary Wins a Five-and-a-Half Year Contract to Radicalise UK Prison Population

The 49-year-old was today offered the position at the Old Bailey after an exhaustive selection process. Police say Choudary will now have a captive audience of followers in the UK. The judge, who described Choudary...

Suicide prevented with picture of ‘Inspirational Quote’

Clinically depressed Phil Jones, 38, was found standing on the edge of Clifton Suspension Bridge after his wife had left him last Tuesday. Mr. Jones wasn't coping very well after the collapse of his rocky...
Snobbish man

85% Of Waitrose Customers Horrified To Learn It Is A Workers’ Collective

Festive upper middle class shoppers in Waitrose were astonished and horrified to learn that the store is run as a workers' collective. Eric Pode (40), a shopper in the Croydon branch and a keen amateur...

Change of fart for Donald

Leading language experts are calling for a change in the classification of the word 'trump'. Traditionally, it has been used as: a term for flatulence a term in the cards game of Bridge a term...
brexit bill

Theresa May admits “Brexit Bill” scrawled on back of napkin

Prime Minister Theresa May today admitted that the 'Brexit Bill', allowing her to trigger the Article 50 exit clause from the European Union had been drafted, over a liquid lunch, on the back of a napkin...
Anger as southerners omit cockwomble from the OFCOM Swearing Top 10

Anger as Southerners Omit Cockwomble from the OFCOM Swearing Top 10

There was anger on the streets of Rochdale last night as "Cockwomble" was controversially left out of Ofcom's Top 10 of swear words. Ofcom, an organisation notoriously dominated by Cockney Wankers filling the sort of...

Prince William fingers Kate in back of hatchback in Rochdale

A sticker showing Prince William and The Duchess of Cambridge along with a depiction of two fingers raised in a V sign has caused some consternation in Rochdale. The sticker appeared in the back window...

Brexit Cancelled as Civil Servants Finally Read “Article 50”

All nations attending Treaty discussions are only allocated one car parking space. UK plans for "Brexit" have hit the buffers after Westminster Civil Servants finally got round to Item 2 on the Brexit Committee agenda...
Magic Circle

Magic Circle Trigger Terror Alert

Amid growing concern and fears for public safety, illusionist extremists The Magic Circle have been deemed a threat to security and democracy. The so-called magicians have publicly recorded many of their barbaric acts including brutally...

OED announces Word Of The Year

The Oxford English Dictionary announced the winner of their prestigious Word Of The Year competition at a champagne gala ceremony in London's upmarket Neasden Travelodge this afternoon. Twatbasketry, a noun, is defined as 'Pertaining to...
Alf Garnett

Love Thy Neighbour and Till Death do us Part set to get reboots.

The BBC and ITV have both announced this week that they intend reviving certain 'classic' 70's sitcoms because of the current fashion for being a racist bigot. Hilary Patel-Cohen, a BBC spokesgender said, "There's a...

Leadsom bookies favourite in cabinet deadpool

Professional sexist and political hot potato Andrea Leadsom was under fire yesterday following revelations that her comments about motherhood in The Times during her leadership campaign were actually the nicest things she said to...

Peter Andre to press Brexit Button

As part of her Key Note speech to the Conservative Party Conference today Theresa May is set to announce this explosive coup for the Torys & Brexiteers – Peter Andre is set to turn...

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