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Rochdale, UK

‘One is married to Philip’ Queen assures Public who think Trump too racist for...

Over 1.8 million Britons have signed a petition to deny a State Visit to nylon-haired snake-oil salesman and part-time President, Donald Trump.  The petition insists that Trump's racism, sexism and general vulgarity would cause embarrassment...
Rochdale-missile-launch.jpg

Rochdale’s secret Nuclear Past REVEALED

Shock revelations have shaken Rochdale to its very core as documents from the cold war have been declassified, revealing that the 7 sisters were a nuclear missile launch site throughout the 70’s and 80’s,...

Britain First’s Paul Golding and the EDL’s Ian Crossland announce engagement

Shock today as Britain First leader Paul Golding announced he is to marry EDL chief, Ian Crossland. Although the pair often claim to support gay rights, particularly when opposed by perceived Muslim oppressors, it has...

Rupert Murdoch still on course to become Britain’s longest-serving Prime Minister

With only two days of campaigning left before the general election, polling suggests that Rupert Murdoch is still on course to become Britain’s longest-serving Prime Minister. Despite an upsurge in support for Labour over the...
No Entry Sign

We’re showing some restraint, how about the rest of you try it

Like most of the country, the Herald woke up this morning to the news of a catastrophic tower block fire in West London. This has been accompanied by multiple fatalities. It does not look...

People who ‘say it like it is’ invariably arseholes groundbreaking research concludes

Researchers at Rochdale Community University have concluded that people who "tell it like it is" are invariably complete arseholes. "People who 'tell it like it is' are invariably complete arseholes." Emeritus Professor of Casual Racism...

DWP and DUP conflicted over who are the bigger bastards.

Angry confusion has broken out on Twitter with the hashtags #DWP and #DUP. The short tweets such as "Bastards ruin lives" and "Blood on your hands" have gone viral, but no one is sure whether...
Scientists

Obvious Satire Still Confusing Idiots, Say Scientists 

Researchers at the esteemed Rochdale Community University have published a study today revealing that fool-proof satire is still not fool-proof.  “We gave some angry morons access to satire sites that publish on Facebook,” said Dr...
Theresa May

Prime Minister to help poor by donating fox meat to food banks

Theresa May has today unveiled plans to improve the diet of malnourished children in areas with high levels poverty. "This is a great policy that kills two pheasants with one load of buckshot" said the Prime Minister. "With...

Expenses scandal as Jeremy Corbyn claims £30,000 for Hi5 tuition

Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn has been embarrassed again this week, as he miss-judged yet another high five. Last week the allotment gardening marxist patted fellow MP Emily Thornberry's breast in a moment of uncontrolled madness. Jeremy later...
Paul Nuttall

Paul Nuttall To Become Next Duke Of Edinburgh

Paul Nuttall will be assuming the position of Duke of Edinburgh, following the retirement of Prince Philip, he has confirmed. “It’s the perfect job, really,” he told the Rochdale Herald. “It means I’m in charge...

UKIP elects Diane James leader

Diane James was elected the leader of UKIP yesterday and has already been causing controversy on account of not being Nigel Farage. People outside of UKIP greeted the news with cries of "who?" and "whatever".
Shouty man

We won, get over it! voted 2017 Phrase of the Year by racists

We won, get over it! has become the new mantra of choice for racists, according to the results of a new survey published today. The phrase, which initially gained popularity following the Brexit vote in...

EU to force UK to use £ s d following Brexit…

Brussels has warned that Britain will no longer be allowed to use the decimal system following Brexit and will be forced to go back to pounds, shillings and pence and the imperial measurement system. It...

Further scandal as so called satirical page Southend News Network owners aren’t even Southern!

In what is turning out to be a much dragged out saga of scandal after scandal from those jumped up meme thieves over at SNN comes further revelations as our offices at The Rochdale...
Kuenssberg

Theresa May hires Laura Kuenssberg as political analyst

Laura Kuenssberg thrilled her BBC colleagues this evening by announcing she was leaving Aunty to work full time for Theresa May as a political analyst. Long regarded as one of the Prime Minister's most loyal...

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