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Rochdale, UK

Scarborough Earthquake Appeal

At 01:00 on Tuesday 3rd January, Britain's worst quake for 25 years hit Scarborough, Yorkshire measuring 5.2 on the Richter scale and causing untold disruption and distress.  The tremor decimated the area causing approximately £30...

Rail fares rise takes taking the piss further

The average price of standing between a handful of sweaty commuters whilst the will to live is squeezed out of you is to rise by around 2.3%. Again.

Daily Mail Editor suspected stroke after Muslim Immigrant awarded Knighthood in New Year’s Honours

The Editor of the Daily Mail is in a critical condition today after learning that a Muslim has been knighted by the Queen in the New Year's Honours list.

OED announces Word Of The Year

The Oxford English Dictionary announced the winner of their prestigious Word Of The Year competition at a champagne gala ceremony in London's upmarket Neasden Travelodge this afternoon. Twatbasketry, a noun, is defined as 'Pertaining to...

Rochdale Herald Editor knighted in New Year’s Honours List

The editor of the Rochdale Herald, Quentin D. Fortesqueue has been knighted for services to fake news. Mr Fortesqueue, 58, said he was delighted to receive the honour as it would make people take...
bottles of water

New Juice Plus rival Juice Minus to include ‘no juice’

It's that time of the year again when everyone makes doomed to fail resolutions but, fear not, there's a new product on the market that will ease your January blues. New Juice Minus is a...
ice cream

Super hunter chilli Yorkie ice cream man-bar ultra plus released for aggressive thrusting straight...

In a bid to expand on the non-gay male ice cream market, a new extreme sports cryogenic experience for man men is being launched. It will contain jalapeño peppers recorded at 15 million on the...
Rick Astley

Rick Astley gives up turns around and deserts you

The 80's smash hit superstar and naughties annoying meme, Rick Astley, is hanging up his mic once and for all. After the the shock death of his arch nemesis George Michael and general 2016 shittyness,...

Scientists reveal 2016 to be a fake year

It has been established by scientists at Rochdale Community University that 2016 was the result of an illegal artificial intelligence experiment.  Herr Dr Professor Doktor said, "A couple of postgraduates fed some algorithms into our...

Trump in talks with Skynet for nuclear arms deal

Following a recent tweet in which President Elect Trump spoke of expanding Americas nuclear arsenal, talks have been held between Trump's team and weapons manufacturers Skynet. Mr. Trump Tweeted on 22 Dec about his desire...

Mary Berry in Twitter Storm as BAPS Hashtag #shitepresents goes Viral

Women across the UK have taken to social media to appeal to their families to not buy them “shite” presents this year.

UKIP Neighbour in Festive Twat Fiasco

A member of UKIP has made the news after showing the good old, British, Christian spirit: he's built a large billboard to piss off his neighbours. Tim “Dim but dim” McBrillo, a god-fearing, Nigel Faragophile...

Queen’s festive question for Balmoral faithful

Her Majesty The Queen has returned to the Balmoral Estate to spend time with her family over the Christmas holiday and will be attending the local church Christmas Day service in time honoured fashion...

Paul Golding’s Prison-a-thon raises £5,000 for The Refugee Council

On an uncharacteristically serious note we'd like to thank each and every person who has donated or otherwise supported Paul's campaign for The Refugee Council.

Facebook servers crash after everyone announces they’re drinking Prosecco

Facebook couldn't be logged into earlier today after millions of people updated their statuses with things like; "The Prosecco is open! You know what that means don't you? Christmas!" And "That's me done until January now lol....

ISIS win the war by leaving passports at home

America, Russia and the United Nations admitted defeat earlier today and proclaimed ISIS the winners of the global holy war. President elect Trump has already Tweeted that America will be building 68,000 new compulsory mosques,...

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