Local News

In a world exclusive, The Rochdale Herald can reveal that super succesful singer songwriter, Paul Simon, is working on a rewrite of the hit song, 'Mrs Robinson', from the classic movie, The Graduate. It appears...

Google breaks under the strain of millions of Britons preparing their excuses for work on Monday morning. As millions of us check up on the exact symptoms of sunstroke, the search engine has given up...

Racists up and down the country have been shocked to learn that certain Arabic words like “Allah” and “Halal” actually translate into regular English words. The fact that Arabic is simply a foreign language, while...

In a move which has delighted the electorate of Boston and Skegness, Nuttall has transferred his allegiance. Nutcase claims divine intervention: "According to the Gospel of St Don, 'In the beginning was the Word, and the Word...

The M62 was plunged into chaos last night following the removal of nearly 500 cat's eyes from the motorway at Junction 20 by the Animal Liberation Front (ALF). Shortly before nightfall at least eight hooded...

It has been confirmed by the company tasked with removing as many street trees from the streets of Sheffield as possible that bouncers have been hired to protect the tree fellers from the feral...

It's rumoured the world famous café and toddler soft play centre Tumble Tots in Rochdale will shortly be rebranding as Dante's Seventh Circle of Hell. The move follows detailed discussions with a local advertising agency,...

A + E departments and walk in clinics are struggling to deal with thousands of cases of extreme chafing caused by the hot weather. John Welsby of Middleton was turned away from a walk in clinic...

Police have closed access to Battenburg street in Middleton today as the investigation into an altercation at the Middleton tea rooms has left three people in critical condition. Police report they have one woman in...

Maximilian Fontwhistle has professed to being furious about wasting energy trying to be a good neighbour. "For eight years my neighbour has been calling me Greg." Max explained. "It had become excruciating. One day someone was going...

Rochdale man Martin Williams has spent today in his local pub attacking the 'Tory Death Tax'. Williams 48, told the Herald, "It's ridiculous. My mum and dad only live in a piddling little £500,000 house they bought...

The famous Monty Python Parrot was cleared for work this morning following a work capability assessment interview.

The Breakfast Club Café offers a selection of options, including a Hard-Boiled Breakfast and a Red, White and Blue Breakfast. We spoke to proprietors Frankie 'Chubz' Chubb and Deepa Phatt-Friar. "The Red, White and Blue Breakfast is...

A Rochdale man is currently receiving counselling and treatment for first-degree burns after failing to give the correct answer to a blatantly loaded question posed by his wife. James Grossweiner, 52, was caught floundering shortly...

In a remarkable turn of events, there have been two draws in results in the Local Council elections. Northumberland County Council saw Conservative and Liberal Democrats ties, which were decided by drawing lots of straws...

The nation was in shock this afternoon after rumours began circulating that Ed Miliband had done something useful somewhere up North. "It can't be true." Maureen Liphook of Middleton Labour NEC told The Herald. "He's...