Burnley

Burnley announces plans to be available in colour by 2022

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Burnley Council has announced plans for town to be available in colour from 2022. Just the Town Centre will be effected initially. The announcement was made in garbled English written on the back of...

Liberal hospitalised after catching racism from Daily Mail

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A Rochdale man has been admitted to a psychiatric hospital today after contracting racism from a close encounter with the Daily Mail.  Colin Nigelsson, a liberal from Broadfield Park has for years habitually used the...
Satire Aid

Update – Barnardo’s children now receiving gifts from the Satire Aid appeal

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Presents bought through the Big Fat Secret Santa Appeal on Sunday 2nd and Monday 3rd December will benefit children and young people supported by the children's charity Barnardo's in the North West. Some of the...

Sheffield councillors flummoxed By Spade and Pick Conundrum

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Sheffield councillors visiting a street improvement site were utterly bamboozled when contractors lined up three spades against a wall and invited the councillors to 'take their pick'. Councillor Bryan Dodge, Cabinet  Member For Generating Profit...

People nobody has heard of resign from party that no longer has purpose

UKIP, the party whose sole purpose was to foster the UK public to vote to leave the EU- which happened despite them- is apparently in chaos after three people that nobody has ever heard...
Nun Fanny Nicentite

Local Nun in record attempt to raise the roof

A local Nun from Sacred Heart Church in Rochdale could soon become famous for a world record attempt if, with the help of The Rochdale Herald, she can find enough helpers to smash the...

Man buys Polaroid Camera takes 40 pictures of his genitals and hands them to...

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A Burnley man has been explaining why he bought a Polaroid Camera over the weekend, used it to take 40 pictures of his own genitals and then handed them out to strangers on the...

Germany devoid of German Christmas markets

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German shoppers are disappointed that they have nowhere to buy lots of pointless tat in the run up to Christmas.  With every British town apparently having a German Christmas market now, Germans are wondering where...

Rochdale letting agency wins top award. 

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A prestigious national industry award has been won by local letting agents Fyre, Trappe and Hassel.   The British Association of Letting Agencies awarded the firm their much sought after "Services to innovative bastardry" award...

Blockbuster Video returns to Rochdale high street in post EU Britain

There were scenes of creaky jubilation on Rochdale's decaying high street as crowds celebrated the return of retail giant Blockbuster. Rochdale's elderly population had turned out en masse at the voting booths to vote against...
Danczuk

Simon Danczuk wins Prestigious most Tory Tweet Award 2017 Le Chatte d’Or

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Simon Danczuk has won the 2017 most Tory Tweet Award after taking to Twitter to complain about homeless beggars in Rochdale today.

SHOCK as cocaine bought in Rochdale nightclub found to contain trace amounts of COCAINE

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Local man Geoff Addy was out partying in Rochdale's premier night club, Kokos, on Saturday for his mate John Bullington's abortion party, when he was arrested for possession of the Class A drug cocaine. However...

In wake of America and North Korea tensions Rochdale man hoarding bottlecaps

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Concerns have been raised by the family of Jim Watson, 24, of Heywood after he hasn't been seen for the last week and a half. It is believed that Mr Watson is alive, but...

War of the Roses: The Rematch

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Rochdalians reacted with righteous fury over news of what is seen at best as an aggressive land grab and, at worst, a declaration of war by their sworn enemies - Yorkshiremen. The original Wars of...

Scientists observe Burnley residents using simple tools and communicating in primitive grunts

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In a paper published in the journal Science this week scientists led by, Professor Frederick Seddon of Rochdale College have said they've observed Burnley residents using basic tools, communicating in grunts and solving simple...

Man that failed GCSE Science now an expert in pediatrics

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A Rochdale man who failed GCSE Science has revealed he's an expert on pediatrics and specializes in treatments for Pneumonia. Bill Board loudly announced his expertise to surprised family members this morning over a...

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