Local News

Bearded men around the country joined together in a collective shudder yesterday as they were tagged in yet more increasingly irritating, abysmal and completely unfunny 'beard decoration' posts on social media. Most of the pictures...

A home worker from Rochdale is facing a disciplinary hearing today after he allegedly sexually assaulted himself after getting drunk at his office Christmas "party". Stan Still, who works for a civil engineering company told...

World hunger has been declared over after Jeremy Corbyn urinated on a field just outside Rochdale. One aide told us, "Jeremy was returning from one of his meet and greets with local activists. He'd had...

Excitement at a Rochdale school is building after pupils discovered there are only 4 more Prime Ministers until Christmas. One teacher at the Robert Mugabe Academy told us, "It's been insane all morning. They just...

Presents bought through the Big Fat Secret Santa Appeal on Sunday 2nd and Monday 3rd December will benefit children and young people supported by the children's charity Barnardo's in the North West. Some of the...

A Labrador Retriever from Rochdale was feeling aggrieved today after her owner callously pulled rank over her choice of fragrance. Luna Goodgirl, aged 3, told The Herald "I'm devastated. I spent the best part of...

Two grandparents from Rochdale have spoken about emerging from the embarrassing 'Jacob Reees-Mogg' phase of their life. Orla Board told us, "We'll look back at this and laugh about it. It's a bit like flared...

Theresa May will communicate the UK's Brexit plan to the House of Commons later today using the medium of dance. One insider told us, "The Prime Minister has decided that her dancing has been such...

The children of Fascists have been conveying their excitement at there only being 6 more sleeps until poppy day. 7 year old Bill Board said, "Poppy day is my favourite day of the year. I...

With Remembrance Sunday just under two weeks away, a Rochdale man has made what he regards as the ultimate sacrifice in honour of our troops - by having his head turned into a giant POPPY.  Darren Fudd, 42, paid over £25,000 for the transformation, which took...

A Rochdale man has won a Halloween fancy dress competition after turning up dressed as a cyclist. Bill Board, 35 arrived at pal Stan Still's Halloween party on Saturday night dressed in a cycling...

The Rochdale branch of the English Defence League face fresh controversy this week after an embarrassing mishap at the annual members Halloween party. "We've had some bad press recently and the annual Halloween fancy dress...

A Burnley man has been explaining why he bought a Polaroid Camera over the weekend, used it to take 40 pictures of his own genitals and then handed them out to strangers on the...

Lancashire Police have urged the public to be vigilant today after a reputed sighting of a gigantic spider who breaks into homes to poke holes in sofa upholstery. Detectives are working with the RSPCA to...

A local nihilist has started a campaign against vaccinations, arguing that they force children to endure the pain and sadness of their futile existence. Stephen Bowers, 19, has been handing out leaflets around Rochdale in...

A woman whose cats regularly rape strangers in bushes on nights out has insisted that her cats are like her children. Part time hairdresser Barbara Dickinson, 42 and a bit, insists that there is literally...