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Husband fails to avoid loaded question

A Rochdale man is currently receiving counselling and treatment for first-degree burns after failing to give the correct answer to a blatantly loaded question posed by his wife. James Grossweiner, 52, was caught floundering shortly...

Britain First release ‘terrorist-proof’ onesie

Britain First have revealed what they claim to be the first ever 'terrorist-proof' clothing – a onesie made entirely from bacon. Called the 'baconsie', the garment is the half-brainchild of the group's Rochdale representative, Darren...

Woman shocked everything is fine after being told everything will be fine

A Rochdale woman was surprised to learn that everything was fine despite being told by her husband "it'll be fine" 400 times a day for almost 15 years. The most recent incidence of everything working...
Twat

Man who called neighbour Greg for eight years disappointed to learn he’s actually called...

Maximilian Fontwhistle has professed to being furious about wasting energy trying to be a good neighbour. "For eight years my neighbour has been calling me Greg." Max explained. "It had become excruciating. One day someone was going...

Rochdale Herald Editor Re-admitted to Hospital

Herald editor, Quentin D. Fortesqueue has been re-admitted to Rochdale General Hospital for surgery to remove his tongue from his cheek. The jaded and cynical hack-in-chief of Rochdale’s only quality satirical organ had very recently...

SNN and Rochdale Herald in Plagiarism Mr Tumble Rumble

The Internet exploded this morning amidst claims that The Rochdale Herald is not only guilty of making up the news but has been plagiarising The Southend News Network. Professor Bryan Cocks of Rochdale's Community University...

Brexit voter furious he can’t get tee off time at Golf Club he is...

Local Brexit voter, Steve Dickinson, is said to be furious with Manchester Golf Club after discovering he can't get the tee off times he wants since letting his membership lapse.

Rochdale Police Find ‘Lost’ Horse in semi rural area

Reports from GMP Rochdale are somewhat vague to say the least, so the minimum we can assume from the information supplied is the horse is somewhere between the size of a cat and a dinosaur. It's definitely...

Rochdale woman shocked when confronted by reality

Rochdale bride Shanice Kerslake was reduced to tears when a Marks and Spencer boss declared her wedding cake “shit”. Mrs Kerslake, 52, had designed the cake herself as part of the store’s “create your own”...

Rochdale council ban nativity costumes except for Muslims

The education department in Rochdale county council has issued a blanket memo to all schools for "insensitive fancy dress" for nativity plays.

Rochdale Toddler Softplay Centre to rebrand as Dante’s Seventh Circle of Hell

It's rumoured the world famous café and toddler soft play centre Tumble Tots in Rochdale will shortly be rebranding as Dante's Seventh Circle of Hell. The move follows detailed discussions with a local advertising agency,...

Sports Direct worker in critical condition after selling bag for life and giant mug

Medics were today called to Sports Direct at the Kingsway Shopping Centre in Rochdale after a member of the till staff collapsed in shock. Mary Jayne Watson (31) from the Falinge estate was working what...

It’s the Greatest Story Ever Told – The Rochdale Brexit Christmas Nativity

It was the night before Christmas. Newsthump had run an article claiming that if the surplus Remainers from Islington were resident in Rochdale on the 25th of December they would automatically be on the...

Danczuk in curry house Twitter row

The owners of 'The Asia' curry restaurant in Rochdale this morning were said to be fuming after Simon Danczuk posted photos on Twitter of a curry at a different restaurant. The pornography and curry enthusiast,...

Man in his 30’s caught using Snapchat

32 year old office worker Damian Green from Middleton has admitted using snapchat in a desperate attempt to look "cool" and "down with the kids". It will come as a shock to many who thought...

Rochdale Christmas light turn on will be a Britain First

This year's celebrity flicker of Rochdale's Christmas light will be none other than high flying anti-Muslim racist bigots and all round general socialites, Paul Golding and his sidekick Jayda Fransen. In a night that's sure...

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