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Rochdale, UK
Luxury goods shop

Local luxury goods firm goes bust

  High end retailer, Lewis Veeton Moway, has closed its doors for the last time, citing poor sales despite a massive promotional campaign. Rupert Cholmondley-Featherstonehaugh, the CEO of the bling-to-Bentley store, said, "We had little option...
Refugees

Local man furious no refugees coming to his village

A resident of East Lancashire village Potterby has said that he is furious that the government has ignored Potterby when allocating accommodation for Syrian refugees.  Les Cockie, 63, a chicken analyst, said, "I am angry...

It’s a muffin say experts ending the debate once and for all

An argument over the name of a baked bread product that is traditionally cut in twain and filled with goodness like chips, bacon or sausage has been raging accross British counties since the dawn...

North Korean Defects After Experiencing Rochdale Delights?

Thae Yong Ho, a North Korean diplomat, is widely reported to have defected from the People’s Totally Free And Lovely Free People’s Free Democratic Free Republic of Free North Korea after experiencing Rochdale town...

Outrage in Rochdale over proposed Santa suit ban

Rochdale religious groups are screaming red white and blue murder over a proposed ban on the traditional Santa suit. This follows the New Year outrage in Turkey when in the early hours of New Year's...

Man arrested masturbating outside Primark not Simon Danczuk

Rumours were circulating around the editorial bunker yesterday that the man arrested for masturbating outside of Primark was local pornography enthusiast Simon Danczuk. Despite getting our hopes up it turns out that it was somebody...

Liberal hospitalised after catching racism from Daily Mail

A Rochdale man has been admitted to a psychiatric hospital today after contracting racism from a close encounter with the Daily Mail.  Colin Nigelsson, a liberal from Broadfield Park has for years habitually used the...

Rochdale woman in Waitrose platitude tragedy

A Rochdale woman was left devastated today after discovering that she will now be looking after her neighbour's children for the next three Sunday mornings in a row. Sharon Smith from the Falinge area of...

Rochdale council urge residents to help alleviate flooding

Rochdale council have taken the unusual step of issuing a plea for help from residents, especially those further out of town to leave their taps on over night to help lower the risk of...
Billboard saying "No pies"

Rochdale Nightmare Scenario As Shops Run Dry Of Pie Supply

Rochdale citizens were today warned against panic buying one of the staples of their diet. A widespread shortage of Futtock's Pies has been reported throughout the Rochdale area and up to several shoppers have...

GMP Rochdale Plan Devolving Police Powers

A plan to devolve police powers in Rochdale has been given the green light. This will be the biggest shakeup in policing since since Robert Peel introduced the police force in 1829. The plan involves a...

Iconic Rochdale Bridge Reopens

An iconic Rochdale landmark built in the 14th Century has reopened after it was obscured from the public for over a hundred years. The bridge over the river Roch in heart of Rochdale's town centre was partly obliterated in a terrorist incident in 1903, and then paved over to make way for Rochdale's pioneering new tram network.

Christmas Miracle Declared As TK Maxx Customer Finds Acceptable Pair Of Jeans

A TK Maxx customer in Rochdale has described his purchase of a pair of jeans that look acceptable and fit perfectly as “nothing short of a Christmas miracle.” Brian Jones, 39, found the jeans...

Rochdale sex romp for Ozone Day

Friday 16th of September was World Ozone Day but residents of a care home in Rochdale have been getting hot under the collar after a case of mistaken identity. "I was a free spirit in...

Rochdale’s Brickcroft Lane Social Club unveil The Danczuk Memorial Bin

It has taken years of diligent campaigning and endless hours of tough negotiating but finally Simon Danczuk has achieved something material for the citizens Rochdale. Today saw the unveiling of Simon Danczuk's crowning achievement. A...

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