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Rochdale, UK

Rochdale Chip Shop In Heartwarming Tale Of Generosity

The owner of a Rochdale takeaway shop that delivered a bag of brown heroin to an ailing customer, along with their dinner, has said reaction to it has been "absolutely crazy". The Happy Haddock Fish and Chip Shop...

War of the Roses: The Rematch

Rochdalians reacted with righteous fury over news of what is seen at best as an aggressive land grab and, at worst, a declaration of war by their sworn enemies - Yorkshiremen. The original Wars of...
Man holding his head laughing

Woakes Croaks – Jokes Hoax Chokes Stokes’ Folks

It has been revealed that a story about England cricket all-rounder Ben Stokes, which was definitely not printed in the Rochdale Herald, was a complete fabrication.  The story, which intimated the Durham player had jested...

Waterloo Road Grandma School Farce

A crisis has arisen in a Rochdale school after a Chinese whispers cock up of epic proportions went much further than any sane person could imagine. Not wanting to be left behind Rochdale Council jumped...

US Government admits covering up red alert over imminent asteroid impact

Scientists and Government sources have confirmed that the giant asteroid, 2016-FI is on course to strike the Northern Hemisphere after initial uncertainty about it's trajectory. The news was first reported by California's Yackler Observatory...

Rochdale council ban nativity costumes except for Muslims

The education department in Rochdale county council has issued a blanket memo to all schools for "insensitive fancy dress" for nativity plays.

OUTRAGE as famous Rochdale nudist beach is closed for “cultural reasons”

There was OUTRAGE in Rochdale this afternoon after council documents were leaked to The Rochdale Herald about the forthcoming closure of the world famous Stansfield nudist beach. Naturists have been frolicking stark bollock naked on...

Stereotyping men now a hate crime: Rochdale cracks down on Misandry

Several women were arrested this morning following a verbal altercation outside Rochdale's women's institute.The women who can't be named for legal reasons are being held for questioning by Greater Manchester Police under new anti-misandry...

Nobody fancies Simon Danczuk – Rochdale Herald Poll reveals

In a shocking twist in the "Simon Danczuk pulled a 22 year old" scandal The Rochdale Herald can exclusively reveal that is was all a bit of a fib, perhaps made up by Mr...
House Price

Rochdale Residents excited at house price rises in Post-Apocalypse Britain

Rochdale residents are said to be very excited by the prospect of house price rises for the first time in almost a century in post-apocalyptic Britain. "It's very exciting." A spokesman for Rochdale estate agency...

Rochdale in running for European City of Culture

Rochdale Borough Council have announced ambitious plans to enter into the selection process for European City of Culture 2020. Local councilor Peter Radcliffe believes the idea has captured the imagination of Rochdale. "The buzz is definitely...
School class

PARENT’S FURY AT COMPULSORY ARABIC LESSONS AT ROCHDALE PRIMARY SCHOOL

Parents are furious about Rochdale Primary School's decision to force children to learn Arabic symbols in Maths lessons. Many parents believe that forcing their children to learn the value of numbers derived far in the...

Sock Finds Owner as Appeal Goes Viral

Derek Winstanley of Rochdale was today emotionally reunited with his sock after a heart-wrenching appeal went viral amongst bored middle-managers & housewives who wanted to feel caring & important. The appeal, started yesterday by Debbie...

Home Office Play Matchmaker for Rochdale’s Bridget Joneses

The Rochdale Herald can reveal controversial Home Office plans to settle new male immigrants in areas of Britain with too many single women in an attempted boost to integration, and ultimately to increase Britain’s...

Manchester tram ‘spontaneous combustion’ victim named

Commuters were left stunned this morning when Londoner Harry Turner spontaneously burst into flames aboard a Manchester tram.  The tragedy occurred after he was forced to sing the Hokey Cokey by jovial tram driver Roy...

Child taken from mother after being forced to live as a Tory

A seven-year-old boy from Rochdale who had been "living life entirely as a Tory" has been taken from his mother's care following a High Court judge's ruling. Mr Justice Borlax said the mother had caused...

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