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Rochdale, UK

Archduke Ferdinand: Suicide note found in pair of old trousers

Historians and aristocrats across Europe today are a little embarassed by the news that the last 100 years of geo-political manoeuvring is all down to a bit of a "misunderstanding". Textile curators at Rochdale's world...

Expat Moans About EU Citizens in UK

A British expat has hailed Parliament's rejection of EU citizens' right to stay in the UK post Brexit. Speaking from beside his swimming pool at his luxurious Marbella villa, Ken 'Fingers' McKray, 54, an import-exporter...
Angela Merkel

Merkel Pulls Out of EU Security Council Talks as There’s No German Word for...

Angela Merkel broke off talks with the EU's British Security Commissioner this week that were about the worsening crisis affecting the free movement of people.

Heavily armed men in masks carrying clubs burn homes in Northern France

A large group of heavily armed men carrying clubs and guns attacked and burned the homes of several thousand people in Northern France yesterday evening. Reports are emerging that the masked attackers abducted hundreds of...

New EU rules send shock waves through the terraces

New EU rules are set to send shock waves through the football terraces of the UK. According to sources close to the FA, the European Parliament's Fair Trade Advocacy Office in conjunction with the...

May to appeal to Supreme Court ruling at European Court of Justice

In a move that has thoroughly confused political observers, Theresa May has instructed the Attorney General to appeal today's Supreme Court judgement on Article 50 to the European Court of Justice. "The sovereignty of the...
Michael Gove

Gove calls for post-Brexit legalisation of cannibalism

Former Tory minister and leading Brexit campaigner Michael Gove has called on the government to slash EU regulations on cannibalism which he claims have been holding back British industry. "We need to take back control...
Nigel Farage with Hitler moustache

Farage Demands Second French Presidential Election

Nigel Farage has claimed the victory of Macron over Le Pen of 65% v 35% is scandalous. Just inappropriate. Undemocratic. Pathetic. "Fifty two to forty eight. That's the proper margin. That allows those like myself...

UKIP corruption proves EU corruption say UKIP

Documents leaked to Sky News showing that, should results be confirmed, UKIP have been misappropriating EU cash prove that the EU is dodgy, claimed Alf Hilter, president of Rochdale and Greater Manchester UKIP Appreciation...

Italians face criticism over construction. 

The Italian government had come under severe criticism today for the standards of its building construction in the 1600's. This comes in the wake of the earthquake that has left 270 dead in the...

Leave campaigner forced to abandon argument after forgetting what Brexit means

Panic today as vocal anti-EU campaigner, Dennis Pigwater, forgot a crucial piece of his argument during an online debate. Dennis, 58, from Rochdale, was engaged in his favourite pastime of debating politics on social media...

EU designates British cockwombles “endangered species”

Indigenous British cockwombles have been given official European Union "endangered species" designation as their numbers have plummeted due to loss of habitat to invasive foreign sock puppets. The new listing makes it illegal for residents...
Gibraltar

Downing Street Confirms Gibraltar To Be Closed Down

Downing Street has confirmed that Gibraltar is to be closed. With the success of Brexit guaranteeing the ability to launder money in the U.K., at home, Gibraltar has outlived its purpose. "It's not like we'll need...

Germany devoid of German Christmas markets

German shoppers are disappointed that they have nowhere to buy lots of pointless tat in the run up to Christmas.  With every British town apparently having a German Christmas market now, Germans are wondering where...

UK border agency given right to conduct posthumous deportations

The UK border agency has been given the green light to start deporting the interred remains of people not born in the UK, a spokesman for the Agency confirmed to the Rochdale Herald Monday. The...

EU offers bribe of better UK weather if we remain

The European Union, desperate for the UK to remain, have said that the proposed European Standard Weather system due to come into operation early next year, could be extended to the UK - but...

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