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Trump

Sadiq Khan Trumps Donald Trump

The White House confirmed today that Donald Trump's international approval ratings have never been higher. The surge in love has been caused by Trump receiving a smack down to one of his informed tweets. The...
Tim Farron

PG tips bribery scandal uncovered as Tim Farron makes ‘put the kettle on’ jibe

In the wake of the Leaders debate on the BBC, it has been alleged that lib dem leader Tim Farron was paid a substantial amount by PG Tips to make his closing remark. Farron took the opportunity...
Macron

Macron roasts Le Swan

Emmanuel Macron last night served up a beautifully roasted swan at his victory dinner. The new French President was celebrating his victory with close supporters at a private event in Paris when he wowed...
Nigel Farage with Hitler moustache

Farage Demands Second French Presidential Election

Nigel Farage has claimed the victory of Macron over Le Pen of 65% v 35% is scandalous. Just inappropriate. Undemocratic. Pathetic. "Fifty two to forty eight. That's the proper margin. That allows those like myself...
Bomb Squad

May tells Merkel,”This is just a taste of what I’ve got”.

News reports this morning state that the entire city of Hannover is to be evacuated following the discovery of numerous unexploded WW2 bombs. Apparently, Theresa May ordered the ordinance dropped on the German city to...
Trial by Combat

Theresa May demands Trial by Combat to avoid EU trade negotiations

Theresa May has taken the unusual decision to demand a trial by combat rather than face the EU over the table at trade negotiations.  She reportedly told a press conference in Italy yesterday that: "I am...

New EU rules send shock waves through the terraces

New EU rules are set to send shock waves through the football terraces of the UK. According to sources close to the FA, the European Parliament's Fair Trade Advocacy Office in conjunction with the...
Farage pulling a funny face

Farage takes on Eurovision

In a shock move today, the rubber faced, racist, people's champion Nigel Farage has announced his intentions to represent Great Britain in next year's Eurovision Song Contest . Herr Farage, who has been a long...
Smiling Liam Fox

Liam Fox Announces Trade Deal With Iraq

Liam Fox, Secretary of State For International Trade, has followed up the success of his charm offensive with Duterte, the leader of the Philippines so in love with summary execution. Speaking from the west of...
Gibraltar

Downing Street Confirms Gibraltar To Be Closed Down

Downing Street has confirmed that Gibraltar is to be closed. With the success of Brexit guaranteeing the ability to launder money in the U.K., at home, Gibraltar has outlived its purpose. "It's not like we'll need...
Brexiter

Brexiter fury as Europe steals patented British Divide and Conquer negotiating strategy

Brexiters across this once mighty country were swearing into their fry ups this morning with the discovery the EU has a negotiating strategy. "It's just like them." W Kemp commented. "They've bled us dry for...

British Tomahawks Launched As Part Of U.S. Strike Hit Aledo

It has been revealed that as part of Donald Trump's assault on Syria, two British missiles were launched. These missiles were said to be targeted at Aleppo, but in fact hit the small municipality...
Angry Man

UK to mobilise army of “social media warriors” to protect Gibraltar

With no aircraft carriers and military resources already overstretched in Afghanistan, the Ministry of Defence has announced that it is calling up the UK's "third force" of semi professional social media trolls to help protect Gibraltar from...

EU offers bribe of better UK weather if we remain

The European Union, desperate for the UK to remain, have said that the proposed European Standard Weather system due to come into operation early next year, could be extended to the UK - but...

Singing Ringing Tree to be felled for post-Brexit firewood

Britain's exit from the European Union is set to spell the end for some of the country's best loved children's TV programmes, it was revealed Wednesday. With post Brexit Britain set to scrap EU environmental...
Michael Gove

Gove calls for post-Brexit legalisation of cannibalism

Former Tory minister and leading Brexit campaigner Michael Gove has called on the government to slash EU regulations on cannibalism which he claims have been holding back British industry. "We need to take back control...

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