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Britain to join new ‘European Federation’ after Brexit

EXCLUSIVE: With Britain poised to trigger Article 50 and put the wheels irreversibly in motion to finally leave the European Union, a leaked home office email reveals government plans post Brexit. The email, which was forwarded...

May sets UK up for long March to Brexit

Theresa May’s Conservative government have quite literally meddled with time in their pursuit of successfully completing Brexit according to their timetable. The Conservative party used their parliamentary majority to force through the ‘British Calendar Act’, giving Theresa May...

UKIP corruption proves EU corruption say UKIP

Documents leaked to Sky News showing that, should results be confirmed, UKIP have been misappropriating EU cash prove that the EU is dodgy, claimed Alf Hilter, president of Rochdale and Greater Manchester UKIP Appreciation...

Germany devoid of German Christmas markets

German shoppers are disappointed that they have nowhere to buy lots of pointless tat in the run up to Christmas.  With every British town apparently having a German Christmas market now, Germans are wondering where...

Heavily armed men in masks carrying clubs burn homes in Northern France

A large group of heavily armed men carrying clubs and guns attacked and burned the homes of several thousand people in Northern France yesterday evening. Reports are emerging that the masked attackers abducted hundreds of...
Illegal Immigrants boarding ship

New Technology Foils Illegal Immigrants

In conjunction with the British Government-funded wall in Calais, British officials are working with maritime consultants on methods to physically prevent illegal immigrants from boarding ships. In the ongoing battle to protect Britain from hordes...

Monkey spanking decriminalised in Italy

A man known only as Pietro L was charged with a public disorder offence earlier this year after being caught choking his chorizo on the University of Catania campus in Italy. However, it has now...

French now too lazy to strike

In an unusual turn of events, the French have today declared that they can't even be arsed to have a proper strike, and that apathy is all it takes to create cross channel misery.  Instead...

Quackpot fundamentalist and friend of dictators finally canonised by paedophiles

Mother Theresa of Calcutta became Saint Theresa yesterday in a small ceremony in the Vatican. Saint Theresa, who passed through Rochdale on her way to Dublin in 1928, will be remembered by millions of...

Campaign to move Calais Jungle migrant Camp to Southend dubbed inhumane

Plans to move the makeshift refugee camp in Calais to Southend were quashed today after a cross party committee called the plans inhumane. Refugees from all over world have been huddled under canvass in appalling...

Home Office to open Job Centre and Benefits Office in Migrant Calais Jungle

There was outrage in the editorial bunker at The Rochdale Herald after one of the editorial team accidentally read an article in the Telegraph. "It was fucking terrible, they really are dickheads. They pretend they're...

Italians face criticism over construction. 

The Italian government had come under severe criticism today for the standards of its building construction in the 1600's. This comes in the wake of the earthquake that has left 270 dead in the...

French Beekeeper stung to death after Police force her to remove Beekini

France was in shock today after a French beekeeper was stung to death in a tragic apiculture accident in the South of France. The news comes just days after Marie Abeille was arrested by the...

12th Doctor Who to Run for French Presidency 

Peter Capaldi AKA The Doctor has expressed an interest in becoming the French President at the next election. The current Timelord who is also famous for playing the sweary Malcolm Tucker in the hit...

Top Vatican paedophiles and the Pope claim Transgender people are ‘crime against God’

Frock wearing top Catholic wizard Pope Francis has decided that transgender people are a crime against God. “They teach children -children!- that they can choose gender!” he exclaimed to cries of “And?” “Thank God for that,”...

Angela Merkel to meet Theresa May to tell her to fuck off in person

Following historic meetings with world leaders such as Carwyn Jones and Nicola Sturgeon during her first week as British Prime Minister Theresa is set to visit Angela Merkel in Germany today.  Ostensibly the meeting in...

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