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Downing Street Confirms Gibraltar To Be Closed Down

Downing Street has confirmed that Gibraltar is to be closed. With the success of Brexit guaranteeing the ability to launder money in the U.K., at home, Gibraltar has outlived its purpose. "It's not like we'll need...
Brexiter

Brexiter fury as Europe steals patented British Divide and Conquer negotiating strategy

Brexiters across this once mighty country were swearing into their fry ups this morning with the discovery the EU has a negotiating strategy. "It's just like them." W Kemp commented. "They've bled us dry for...

British Tomahawks Launched As Part Of U.S. Strike Hit Aledo

It has been revealed that as part of Donald Trump's assault on Syria, two British missiles were launched. These missiles were said to be targeted at Aleppo, but in fact hit the small municipality...
Angry Man

UK to mobilise army of “social media warriors” to protect Gibraltar

With no aircraft carriers and military resources already overstretched in Afghanistan, the Ministry of Defence has announced that it is calling up the UK's "third force" of semi professional social media trolls to help protect Gibraltar from...

EU offers bribe of better UK weather if we remain

The European Union, desperate for the UK to remain, have said that the proposed European Standard Weather system due to come into operation early next year, could be extended to the UK - but...

Singing Ringing Tree to be felled for post-Brexit firewood

Britain's exit from the European Union is set to spell the end for some of the country's best loved children's TV programmes, it was revealed Wednesday. With post Brexit Britain set to scrap EU environmental...
Michael Gove

Gove calls for post-Brexit legalisation of cannibalism

Former Tory minister and leading Brexit campaigner Michael Gove has called on the government to slash EU regulations on cannibalism which he claims have been holding back British industry. "We need to take back control...

EU to force UK to use £ s d following Brexit…

Brussels has warned that Britain will no longer be allowed to use the decimal system following Brexit and will be forced to go back to pounds, shillings and pence and the imperial measurement system. It...

Wales celebrates after spectacular 2016 Darwin Award victory

The population of Wales has been awarded a collective 2016 Darwin Award for its staggering act of self immolation in last year's referendum on membership of the European Union, it was announced Sunday. Speaking to...
Putin

David Cameron becomes Hero of the Russian Federation

The Kremlin announced today that David Cameron is to be recognised as a Hero of the Russian Federation, the highest honour that can be bestowed by President Putin. The announcement followed immediately after Theresa May...
Geert Wilders

World “back on track” after Dutch non-Nazi gets 20% of the vote

World leaders have rushed to hail the Dutch general election as the turning point in the history of civilisation. With the rising tide of global populism, the election of Donald Duck as United States...

EU designates British cockwombles “endangered species”

Indigenous British cockwombles have been given official European Union "endangered species" designation as their numbers have plummeted due to loss of habitat to invasive foreign sock puppets. The new listing makes it illegal for residents...

Leave campaigner forced to abandon argument after forgetting what Brexit means

Panic today as vocal anti-EU campaigner, Dennis Pigwater, forgot a crucial piece of his argument during an online debate. Dennis, 58, from Rochdale, was engaged in his favourite pastime of debating politics on social media...

Hammond to Create National Hoard

In advance of Brexit negotiations Phillip Hammond is to bury all of the country's wealth in a hole in the ground. The hole, believed to be planned for a field in Staffordshire, will include the...

UK border agency given right to conduct posthumous deportations

The UK border agency has been given the green light to start deporting the interred remains of people not born in the UK, a spokesman for the Agency confirmed to the Rochdale Herald Monday. The...

Expat Moans About EU Citizens in UK

A British expat has hailed Parliament's rejection of EU citizens' right to stay in the UK post Brexit. Speaking from beside his swimming pool at his luxurious Marbella villa, Ken 'Fingers' McKray, 54, an import-exporter...

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