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Rochdale, UK

Trading Standards to prosecute Gastro Pub for using plates

A new gastro pub, The Pissed Idiot, in Rochdale is under investigation by trading standards after allegedly serving food on actual plates rather than on old dustbin lids and chopping boards. "We've received reports of...

Farage performs volte-face on Europe after Trump-May love in

Seven times unelected former UKIP leader Nigel Farage has announced he may be in favour of the UK's European Union membership after all. In an historic reversal of his long standing support for the UK...

Canada and Mexico to build border walls if World Bank will fund a lid

The governments of Canada and Mexico reached an historic agreement today to build 50 foot tall walls along their borders with the US on the proviso that the World Bank lends them the money for a lid.

Theresa May to appeal to Time Lords over Brexit ruling

Following the ruling by the Supreme Court that Parliament will have the final say on the whatever Brexit agreement the government succeeds in negotiating with the European union, British Prime Minister Theresa May has...
Furous Court

Man who voted for supremacy of British court furious about supremacy of British court

Brexit Campaigner Michael Gove was today looking for a new Court to be in charge of British Sovereignty as the one we have “seems to be no better than the last bunch”
Michael Gove

Impossible to see photo of Michael Gove and not say ‘Twat’ research proves

Researchers at Rochdale Community University have proven conclusively that is impossible to look at a photograph of Michael Gove with a muttering the word "twat".
Newcastle

Met Office alert after sighting of Geordie woman wearing jacket in Newcastle

The Met Office has issued an almost unprecedented weather warning this evening after it was reported a woman was spotted on a night out in Newcastle city centre wearing a jacket.
The Daily Mail

Terror as scientists find link between Daily Mail and racist pensioners

Following an uncomfortable family dinner with her parents, local woman Karen Smith, 28, reported to friends yesterday that she fears mirroring their gradual decline into casual racism. “I first noticed the symptoms in my dad...

Susan Boyle to sing Dead Kennedys ‘Too Drunk To F*ck’ at Trump Inauguration

In a last ditch attempt to find a "celebrity" to perform at Trump's Inauguration Scottish songstress and Britain's Got Talent sensation Susan Boyle (aka 'The Hairy Cornflake') has been approached by the president-soon-to-be's office...

Archbishop Welby kicks shit out of Nigel Farage following Twitter spat

Archbishop Welby is currently helping police with their enquiries in Westminster after allegedly kerb stomping Nigel Farage.

Golding’s demands to serve term with ‘own people’ granted as prisons full of violent...

Paul Golding's demands to serve his 8 week prison sentence "amongst his own people" have been agreed to because, frankly, British prisons are stuffed full of violent white men in their 40s. Despite the...
Alanis Morisette

Alanis Morisette to rename 1996 hit Inconvenient after learning what Ironic means

Canadian rock songstress Alanis Morisette has re-written her 1996 classic single "Ironic" after finally meeting a British person who filled her in on the meaning of the word irony.

Lidl gravy to hit £110 per litre

The budget supermarket is set to raise chicken and meat gravy prices after it was revealed that they both contain xylene, a chemical found in crude oil. The gravy manufacturer, Kania, have refused to comment...
Licking your phone

Licking your phone never tasted so good

You know you want it, and now you can get it for free. We all know how those wicked tyrants at Facebook are trying to deprive you of your regular fix of satire and it...

Time travelling boffin to fix 2016

Rochdale physicist Dr. Athelstan J Bilsborough says that he is overwhelmed by donations and investments into his Rochdale Time Travel Lab this year.

Party that chose most hated candidate in history wondering how it lost

The Democratic Party is today asking “How could this happen?” after they fielded the most hated politician in American history to be their candidate. “We honestly thought that Hillary- who’s George Herbert Bush but with...

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