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Alanis Morisette

Alanis Morisette to rename 1996 hit Inconvenient after learning what Ironic means

Canadian rock songstress Alanis Morisette has re-written her 1996 classic single "Ironic" after finally meeting a British person who filled her in on the meaning of the word irony.

Lidl gravy to hit £110 per litre

The budget supermarket is set to raise chicken and meat gravy prices after it was revealed that they both contain xylene, a chemical found in crude oil. The gravy manufacturer, Kania, have refused to comment...
Licking your phone

Licking your phone never tasted so good

You know you want it, and now you can get it for free. We all know how those wicked tyrants at Facebook are trying to deprive you of your regular fix of satire and it...

Time travelling boffin to fix 2016

Rochdale physicist Dr. Athelstan J Bilsborough says that he is overwhelmed by donations and investments into his Rochdale Time Travel Lab this year.

Party that chose most hated candidate in history wondering how it lost

The Democratic Party is today asking “How could this happen?” after they fielded the most hated politician in American history to be their candidate. “We honestly thought that Hillary- who’s George Herbert Bush but with...

New York State to Replace Scotland in the United Kingdom

Bill de Blasio toe Mayor of New York has announced that New York is to cede from the United States and replace Scotland in the United Kingdom.
Trudeau

Trudeau Promises Canadian Citizens A Wall. ‘U.S. Will Pay’

Canadian Premier Justin Trudeau reacted to the news of Donald Trump's election as US President by announcing plans for a wall to be built along the US/Canadian border.  "While we are the most hospitable of...
dolphins

Dolphins disappear across the globe as Trump Inauguration looms

Oceans across the globe are feeling decidedly odd today after the entire planet's population of porpoises and dolphins completely and utterly disappeared overnight. "I really can't understand it," said Oceanographer at Florida's famous Sea World,...

Government to replace all benefits with JustGiving page

New Work Houses and Pensions if You're Lucky Secretary, Damien Green, proposed an abolition of all welfare including Working Tax Credits and Job Seekers allowance in favour of a publicly run JustGiving page on...

Fury As Footballers Not Prevented From Wearing Poppy

Nobodies across the nation are outraged to day as the news that footballers aren’t actually being asked not to wear poppies.

Homeless man turns life around after being told to ‘get a job’

53 year old Gulf war veteran, Ian Stapleton, had been living rough on the streets of Manchester for the last seven years. The heroic soldier ended up homeless and turned to alcohol after his marriage...

Child taken from mother after being forced to live as a Tory

A seven-year-old boy from Rochdale who had been "living life entirely as a Tory" has been taken from his mother's care following a High Court judge's ruling. Mr Justice Borlax said the mother had caused...

Man with record of making unproveable and unsubstantiated claims claims something unproveable and unsubstantiated

Serial unproveable and unsubstantiated claim maker Anthony Gilberthorpe, 54, has come to the defence of serial gropist Donald Trump.

Cry me a river Jordan

Katie price has emotionally revealed that's she's still too upset to talk about her 6th husband Kieran Hayler, and his affair with Jane Pountney. Katie, holding back tears, said: "It's all still too raw and I...
Clown

Killer Clowns fail to hit productivity target for 3rd week running

The death toll as a result of the "killer clown" craze sweeping the nation remains at a flat zero, The Rochdale Herald can report. In a recent spate of events, which has seen hundreds of...
Paramedics transporting Nigel Farage to the ambulance

Farage in critical condition after fall at a supporters meeting

Nigel Farage is in hospital today after coming to the defence of ludicrously abhorrent comments made about women by Donald Trump.

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