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Rochdale, UK

Brexit is actually really hard confirm millionaires who stand to inherit everything but brains

The Rochdale Herald has been briefed by a group of hardcore Brexit Conservative MPs who have confirmed that Brexit is actually really hard, even though they stand to inherit everything but brains. This is in...
Philip Hammond

Fresh sexism row after Hammond overheard telling Theresa May not to ‘worry her pretty...

Philip Hammond was today facing another storm over his casual sexism as it was revealed that his response to the Prime Minister's concerns over Brexit was 'Don't worry your pretty little head about it,...
Nigel Farage

UK insists EU to have custody of Farage at weekends in Brexit divorce settlement

As part of the Brexit divorce settlement the EU has agreed to have Nigel Farage at weekends. In exchange for the financial settlement, believed to be several tens of billions of Euros, Mr Farage,...

Full blown Brexit testing on monkeys halted after everything in lab just f*cking died

David Davis, lead researcher in the government's secretive Brexit Lab, has announced that Brexit testing on monkeys has been halted after everything in the lab immediately escaped or just f*cking died. The shock reaction to...

London in crisis as Brexit threatens to make house prices affordable

One of the many mysteries wrapped up inside the "Brexit means Brexit" enigma has been revealed. To the overwhelming delight of the capital's aspirational first-time buyers, there has never been a better time to...
Boris Johnson

Boris overheard telling King Felipe of Spain ‘NO GIVO BACKO, CAPICHE’ whilst pointing at...

Boris Johnson has unveiled his diplomatic plan to engage with King Felipe and Queen Letizia over Brexit negotiations at a state meal. Johnson told the Herald, "The trick with the dagos is to SPEAK LOUDLY...
Iceberg

Massive Iceberg applies for EU membership

In a shock development following its breakaway from Antarctica, the giant iceberg has applied for membership of the EU. A hastily formed government led by the president elect, K G Bird, said, "After years of answering...
Bergxit

Antarctical 50 signed, Bergxit means Bergxit

Today an area four times the size of London has broken away from the Antarctic landmass. It is a worrying example of rising sea temperatures causing the parts of the Antarctic land mass to...
Titanic

British shipping businesses not optimistic enough about massive iceberg heading for Atlantic say Brexit...

The Brexit lobby has claimed the trillion tonne iceberg heading for the Atlantic from Antarctica is a challenge to British shipping interests to put up or shut up. “This is just the tip of what...
Boris Johnson

Boris Johnson granted protected geographical status by EU just like a Jersey potato

The EU has announced this morning that it has listed Boris Johnson as a product of the United Kingdom with protected geographical status, just like a Jersey Royal potato. The move to safeguard Mr Johnson’s...
Hippies Hippy

Cornwall in Crisis as more middle class hippies leaving than arriving since Brexit

Cornwall is in crisis as studies show, for the first time in a generation, more middle-class old hippies are leaving than arriving. One local, Anni Darsys, told us "The traditional ways of life and industries...
Pot calling kettle black

Daily Mail accuses BBC of not being impartial on Brexit

The Daily Mail has accused the BBC of ignoring all the positive benefits Brexit has brought. In an editorial, the paper says that the BBC is deliberately ignoring the economic boom that is clearly going....

“Leave scientists” confused by spoon

Leave the EU scientists found themselves stumped this afternoon when faced with a spoon. They had previously been asked to identify a knife and a fork, to work out what to do with them, but...
Corbyn Shape The Future

Young people should not be ignored says old man ignoring young people

Jeremy Corbyn sought to reconnect with young people today at an Anti-Brexit rally as he so famously did last week at Glastonbury and at the general election.  Speaking at a Rochdale Community University Anti-Brexit rally the...
Corbyn

Brexit means Brexit, obviously, says Jeremy Corbyn

'Brexit means Brexit and we're going to make a success of it', Jeremy Corbyn will say this afternoon. He will speak from the top of a shoebox in Speaker's corner to an audience of dozens...
Corbyn

Corbyn sacks last of Shadow Cabinet who didn’t resign last year

In a shock move Friday Labour Leader Jeremy Corbyn sacked all of his shadow ministers who didn't resign last year in protest at his dictatorial attitude towards leadership of the party. "Call it spring cleaning,...

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