16.4 C
Rochdale, UK
Woman in Car

Woman admits she was more than a little turned on by badly executed handbrake...

A Rochdale Woman has told the Herald how she found a man's poorly executed handbrake turn a huge turn on. Speaking exclusively to the Herald she said, "I was stood at the bus stop when I...
Man laughing

Serious satirists no laughing matter

150-times winner of the 12-monthly Rochdale Herald annual 'Best satirical news site, based in Rochdale', the Rochdale Herald, has recently left readers puzzled.   It is claimed that the Herald has taken to being serious...

Man with plan to carpe the absolute diem out of today now on his...

A Rochdale man woke up Monday morning to his Eye of the Tiger alarm clock, punched the air, and said let’s get to work. Trevor Duckworth, 43, was full of vigour, after a brilliant weekend....

Put lipstick on a pig and it’s still an attractive pig says David Cameron

Embarrassed confusion reigned over the little Cotswold village of Slapstick-cum-Quickly as local resident David Cameron joined a misheard conversation and totally got the wrong end of the stick. The mix up occurred when David, who...
Plain wooden coffin

Rochdale man takes own life after using the word “Stat”

Local person and Rochdale Herald editor Quentin D.Fortesque has today ended the sad experiment that was his life, after an ill-advised use of the word "stat" to colleagues. Fortesque, of unknown age, was holding an...

Couple thrilled by second baby have no understanding of its intentions yet

A couple thrilled by the safe arrival of their second baby have no idea of its intentions yet. Nic and Cassie Novella already have a three year old daughter called Allopecia. They have been 'managing...

Fathers happy to ditch Father’s Day if it means Mother’s Day is canned too

The Rochdale Institute of Advanced Fathering has issued a statement today offering to do away with Father's Day on the condition Mother's Day goes also. The offer is a timely one as fathers across the...

10 injured after multi trolley pile up in dash to newly opened til at...

Reports are coming in that there has been a serious collision at Middleton Lidl. It is believed the carnage was a result of an inexperienced cashier calling for a new till to be open. So far...

Coroner rules man killed by falling trophy cabinet victim of his own success

The verdict has been returned by the inquest into the tragic death of Will Winnet. The coroner Dr Howie Perished has ruled he was a 'victim of his own success'. The death of the serial...

People who speak in cliches to be removed from breeding population

Sociologists and linguists from Rochdale Community University have discovered that Kelvin Pastie, 31, an unemployed conspiracy theorist, speaks almost entirely in cliches. "We first heard of him on a Twitter feed when he said, 'Corybin should...
Queen and Philip

Queen’s speech delayed for halal vellum

"The ritualistic slaughter of goat is an essential pre-requisite for planned legislation in a parliamentary democracy." So said a spokesperson for 10 Downing Street today when explaining that the Queen's speech had to be...

Fish in a barrel given all clear after May misses them by a mile

In a world exclusive, The Rochdale Herald has discovered another plan of Theresa May's has recently backfired. It is believed to have involved a barrel of fish and a harpoon gun. It is reported a...

Everton confident of beating Liverpool after Blackpool supply ten loan players

The sporting pages were full colour blaze today with the news that Blue and Orange have done a deal to topple the Reds. Everton Chairman Trevor May today announced that new manager Ronald Koeman has...

Boris Johnson breaks the ice in DUP meeting with “Paddy and Mick walk into...

It appears only a matter of hours after a desperate Theresa May formed a coalition with the Northern Irish DUP, relationships have broken down. A Downing street source has told the Herald the initial meeting...

Man from London travelling to “the north” planning trip with Siri

Max Maxi, an inhabitant of the sub-tropical zone of England known as South London, is planning a trip to "the north" with Siri. "It's truly nerve wracking. I don't have much time to prepare." Max...

Hipster Opens Beard Sanctuary

Veteran hipster, Coriolanus McFly, has long been noted for his community work and compassion towards facial hair trends. "I love up-cycling too." McFly declared, inviting the Rochdale Herald's Trends Correspondent into his abode. The abode is...

Follow_on_AppleNews_wht_badge_RGB_US-UK

Popular Posts