16.4 C
Rochdale, UK

Londoners launch petition to ‘shower trump in gold’

A new petition is blazing a trail across social media platforms today as Londoners demand their chance to shower Trump in gold. More than one million Londoners have signed it in a little over an hour...

British Meteorologists Celebrate Declaration of Summer 2017

British meteorologists are celebrating today after deciding Friday the 2nd June was summer for 2017. “Summer 2017 happened on the 2nd June.” Dr Julian Fabsynth informed the Herald via a scrambled line yesterday. "Yesterday was...
Riot Police

Sweaty riot erupts in Leeds after Argos runs out of pedestal fans

As the temperature hits 25C in Leeds sweaty rioters armed with Soleros and Lyon's Maid Choc Ices are rioting in Leeds Centre and are currently barricaded in Argos. It is believed the civil unrest started...

Britain surprised by arrival of snow for 8,000th year in a row

?Ever since the peninsula of Britain became the island of Britain, the inhabitants have been utterly unable to predict or cope with the cold season. "Every other country in Europe expects winter," said European Meteorologist...
Snow on trees

Britain urged to get used to winter

With the annual two inches of snow set to cause havoc across the country again experts have advised people to stop whining and get used to the conditions.  Rochdale Community University's Department of Scrapping and...
Inclement weather

Facebook Meteorologists Out In Force

The annual outing of Facebook Meteorologists is in full swing. Facebook servers are under severe strain from the pictures of the first inclement weather of the season. It seems in spite of it being cold...
Snow on trees

Rochdale Council to vote on plan to colour snow

Rochdale Council are to consider a plan to colour snow to make it more representative of the cultural mix of the area. The Rochdale Multi-Cultural Planning Group have put forward the idea because they are worried...

2017 set to be hottest year on record

Experts in worldwide trends are predicting that 2017 will reach terminal levels of warmth by mid-June. Professor Thorfin Nerfstretcherrsson, Head of Rochdale Community University's department of Genocide, has this to say on the subject, "Well since...

UKIP call for Global Warming referendum

In what is seen as a bid to rescue UKIP from self-inflicted obsolescence, leadership hopeful and Anthony Head lookalike, Steven Woolfe has today called for a referendum to secure Britain's opt-out from Global Warming. "We...

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