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Queen shows solidarity with NHS workers by only accepting 1% pay rise

Her Maj Queen Elizabeth II today graciously accepted a £6m pay increase in order to show solidarity with nurses and teachers. "I heard that public sector plebs were getting a 1% rise this year" said...

Prince Philip is ‘perfectly fine’ Palace assures public

HRH Prince Philip was straight back to work today insulting foreigners just three days after being released from hospital.  Palace officials were quick to point out that the hospitalisation was purely precautionary as the result...

Duke of Edinburgh embroiled in food poisoning compensation scam

The Duke of Edinburgh is reported to have become embroiled in a food poisoning compensation scam scandal today just hours after being discharged from King Edward VIIII's hospital in Battersea. The Duke is rumoured to...
Prince Harry

Prince Harry ruled unfit for work by ATOS

Prince Harry has been ruled unfit for work by ATOS after attending a work capability assessment. "The Prince was sanctioned last month after he missed his first appointment; the excuse given was that he was...

Jeremy Corbyn further insults the Queen with massive wedgie

By means of adding injury to insult, nefarious super villain and national traitor Jeremy Corbyn went one step lower in his ceaseless quest to disrespect our glorious monarch Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II by...

Unemployed layabout doesn’t want £350m a year job shaking hands and waving

The people of the United Kingdom were reassured this morning by Prince Harry's statement that he does not want to be king and will only do it if we force him to. Harry, surprisingly red...

Let’s get this over with Says Queen

Her Majesty the Queen has today told the government "Let's get this over with. I've got a horse in the 3pm at Ascot". Her worshipfulness is reported to be annoyed for several reasons about todays...
Queen and Philip

Queen to redo speech after forgetting to say ‘strong and stable’

In an unprecedented move Theresa May is to inform Queen Elizabeth that she will need to redo today's Queen's Speech in Parliament because she forgot to say 'strong and stable'. The shock announcement from Downing...

May criticised for scheduling Queen’s speech on Day of Rage

After weeks of uncertainty tinged with tragedy, the hard right fanatical Tories have been hammering out a deal with the DUP, which will finally be made official today at the Queen's speech. The last fortnight...

Stephen Fry forced to deny writing tomorrow’s Queen Speech

Rumours are circulating within Westminster village regarding tomorrow's Queen's Speech. In order for it to be the unmistakable work of comedy everyone expects, Downing Street has commissioned the famous comedian Stephen Fry. Given the smash hit...

“It’s time to take back control”, writes The Queen

One's elected representatives are a complete shambles, One writes. One will not invite any of the proffered candidates to form a government. Instead one will lead the country oneself. In times of crisis a leader...
Queen and Philip

Queen Elizabeth II refuses to abdicate until she gets a better last Prime Minister...

Queen Elizabeth II has released a statement this afternoon explaining her reasons for staying so long on the throne. It is because she wishes to have a better last Prime Minister than Theresa May. The...

Merkel to read Queen’s Speech in Bundestag

It was announced this afternoon that the Queen's Speech, scheduled to be read by Queen Elizabeth II next Tuesday, will now be read by Angela Merkel next Thursday in the Bundestag. Angela Merkel has requested...
Queen and Philip

Queen’s Speech delayed as Elizabeth II seeks treatment for stress related Tourette’s 

Security has been increased at King Edward VII hospital, where it is believed her Majesty the Queen is currently undergoing treatment for an acute and sudden disorder. A source from inside the hospital told us...

The Queen submits application to be Monarch of any other country

It has come to the Rochdale Herald's attention that Her Royal Highness, Queen Elizabeth the second is seeking a transfer to be the figure head of another nation. HRH submitted her CV in the early...

Prince Philip Declares He Will Only Die In Battle

The Queen's husband and consort, Philip "The Swagger" Windsor, has revealed he is privately wishing for renewed hostilities with "that red headed rabble", by which he means Scotland, to break out following Brexit. Retiring from...

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