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Remain scaremongering smells likes truthmongering admits Mark Carney following sniff test

Mark Carney, Governor of the Bank of England, the place where they invent money, has admitted that remain campaigners accused of scaremongering may actually be truthmongering. The surprising intervention comes as new economic data strongly...
Game of Thrones

Tolkein With Tits set to dominate office conversations as Game of Thrones returns

As the umpteenth series of the godawful fantasy franchise "Game of Thrones" is due to air on Murdoch-vision this week, those with more refined taste are bracing themselves for months of impenetrable chatter. "What did...

Gove cast as Tick-Tock in Rupert Murdoch’s adaption of ‘Peter Pan’

An all star cast is to appear in seasoned stage director Rupert Murdoch's new adaptation of the J. M. Barrie classic 'Peter Pan'. Michael Gove has been cast as Tick-Tock, Theresa May as Captain Hook...
Theresa May

Theresa May breaks fingernail as her grip on power weakens

Government manicurists today rushed to Theresa May's aid following a nail injury, frantically claiming it was merely “chipped varnish”. As finger after taloned finger slips from the precipice, purchases of fake nails have sky...

Bad dishwasher etiquette is evidence of evolution running backwards

Anthropologists working at the University of Bath today released a study which they claim demonstrates that the human race appears to be separating into two distinct species. They also point out that, for one of...

Stonewall acknowledge calls for heterosexual pride day with “Float of Closets”

Breakthrough for influential alt-gay movement as the legendary Ruth Hunt, CEO of Stonewall, personally announced the plan to address the concerns that alt-gays were insufficiently recognised at Pride marches. She said: “You might think I would...
Thatcher Statue

Statue of Thatcher on horseback trampling a miner to be placed in Orgreave

This week MPs have debated in parliament for the commission of a statue to commemorate the former Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher. The original proposal of a metal bust, worth £300,000 was voted down in parliament....
Gay Pride

‘Just a phase’ movement finally represented at London Gay Pride

In another great victory for liberal tolerance, the much maligned "just a phase" movement will be properly recognised at tomorrow's London Pride. In between the many sexual identities and gender fluid marchers you will...

Michael Gove themed garden gnomes to be stocked by Homebase

Domestic retail giant Homebase is rumoured to be about to bow to pressure from Michael Gove's employer, Rupert Murdoch, by stocking a series of garden gnomes with Gove's face. The loveable gnomes, to be nick-named...

Rolf Harris to paint The Queen again for TV comeback special

Former popular television presenter to repaint Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth following release from prison. Rolf Harris, 87, is rumoured to be looking at the possibility of rebooting his television career after being released last May...

Sun exposes Cable as Strawberry fool

Liberal democrat leadership candidate "SIR" Vince Cable has been left looking a plum strawberry fool after his claim that Britain was running out of strawberries because of a shortage of migrant fruit pickers was...
Cross Eyed Man

The light shines out of my arse, says man who got toothpaste and Anusol...

Rochdale resident Des Spondent, 46, was getting ready for work one dark morning when the mix-up occurred. The sores in his mouth miraculously healed, and the toothpaste caused a shiny, ultra-white light to come from...

Chilcot stuns world with news that Pope is catholic

Sir John Chilcot has stunned the world by stating again that the Pope is catholic and so it seems is Britain’s greatest wartime leader Tony Blair. The surprising rediscovery was made in an interview with...

Chilcot recommends that Blair sit on ‘naughty step’ for Iraq war mistakes…

Sir John Chilcot has come out with excoriating criticisms of former Prime Minister Tony Blair’s attempt to mislead the public and MPs over the invasion of Iraq and has recommended stringent action be taken...
Bar Fight

Survey finds UK’s pub chat and sense of humour at risk of extinction

Social scientists have revealed a study that shows a correlation between the decline in the British sense of humour and decline in pub chat. Dr Frederick Seddon of Rochdale college said, "Britain likes to think...
Celebrating Man

Rochdale man abandons Marxism after winning £10 on lottery

A Rochdale resident has been explaining how winning £10 on the lottery has made him re-evaluate his position on Marxism. Shea Bukharin told the Herald, "I was always up for collective ownership of wealth. The...

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