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Scott Zsalt

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When the aeons of war left the gods dead and the universe decimated, a single duck rose from the ashes and stood for justice and freedom! It wasn't me, that duck, but we look quite bit alike.
Michael McIntyre

Comic Relief to be just Michael McIntyre and a bunch of Russells in future

The BBC announced today that all future Comic Relief events will simply be Michael McIntyre and people called Russell running around and doing observational...

Heat from self-righteous can power the world

Scientists at the renowned Rochdale Community University's Social Physics department announced the discovery of a new energy source today. “We discovered that the heat radiated...
Rich People

Millionaires ‘very sorry’ following £70,000 fine

A political party full of millionaires has said that the huge £70,000 fine they received for breaking electoral rules will really teach them a...

Nationalism only good if you’re not Scottish, say nationalists who aren’t Scottish

Nationalists across England are up in arms at the suggestion that Scotland might have a referendum to leave the UK and become an independent...

This is your eighty seventh and FINAL warning Corbyn tells Labour MPs

After 52 of Jeremy Coalbin’s unruly red rabble voted against the party whip over the Article 50 vote in parliament, the Labour leader has...

Global Markets panic as #BoycottEverything goes viral on Twitter

Capitalism is on the verge of a complete irreversible collapse top Economists revealed today with the entire system due to crash, burn, explode and...

Gap between rich and poor not an issue say rich bastards

The massive gap between the poorest peoples' lot and the vomit-inducing wealth of the world's richest isn't really important, insist representatives for the world's...

Britain surprised by arrival of snow for 8,000th year in a row

?Ever since the peninsula of Britain became the island of Britain, the inhabitants have been utterly unable to predict or cope with the cold...

Car bombs not as bad as nicking stationery insists Martin ‘I’m a politician’ McGuiness

Former number three in the Irish presidential election Seamus Martin Pointa McGuinness has resigned from his position as Deputy First Minister of Northern Ireland. The...

I’m not against loonies, I gave Boris a job says May

A spokesperson who claims to be from Theresa May's office has called to defend Theresa May after this writer- allegedly- implied that she was...

Nutters shouldn’t be stigmatised says Theresa May

The hidden injustice of mental illness is something that Tories really care about, claims the woman who heads a party that has cut mental...

Hollywood blockbuster may not feature Benedict Cumberbatch

Controversy struck Hollywood today when news broke that a new high budget movie might not feature Bendable Cramplebitch. "2017 is a brand new year," said...

Southern Rail strike to be delayed

A strike by Southern Rail drivers due on the 9th of January has now been put back until the 10th. "We apologise for the late...

Rail fares rise takes taking the piss further

The average price of standing between a handful of sweaty commuters whilst the will to live is squeezed out of you is to rise by around 2.3%. Again.

Gove is still bonkers, say experts

Michael Gove decided to stand up for those whose lack of self awareness is pathological today.

Nobody knows what that Facebook fisher is going on about

It was revealed today that nobody knows what that friend who keeps posting attention seeking statuses is actually on about.

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