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Scott Zsalt

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When the aeons of war left the gods dead and the universe decimated, a single duck rose from the ashes and stood for justice and freedom! It wasn't me, that duck, but we look quite bit alike.

Jeremy Corbyn Guarantees Tory Win By Not Jerking Knee

The chance of Conservative Party rule evaporated today. Jeremy Corbyn is to talk about the nuances of foreign policy and its consequences. "It's an outrage!" stated...

Facebook in league with mouse manufacturers

Mouse manufacturers are celebrating at the moment at the future increase in sales caused by Facebook’s determined but ultimately futile attempt to make you...

Vic Reeves Corrie Storyline Leaked

After news broke this week that one half of comic duo Reeves and Mortimer had landed a role in Coronation Street, technerds immediately got...

Racist Republicans deny that their voting districts are racist

Republicans in North Carolina deny that their voting districts were drawn up based on race. After the Supreme Court ruled 5-3 that the boundaries were...

Party with nothing to hide announce plan to close Serious Fraud Office

Conservative plans to abolish the Serious Fraud Office has absolutely nothing to do with the investigations into rich Conservative supporters,said a spokesgrunt for the...
Putin

Trump presidency result of Putin prank phone call

Russian President and superstar house elf, Vladimir Putin, has revealed that the whole Trump/Russia thing is a prank that went too far. “Trump come to...

Russians say Donald Trump and Mr Blobby never seen in room together

Russian intelligence leaked today reveal that current and soon to be impeached American president Donald Trump has a very suspicious past. “We look into all...
Snapchat

Ransomware means government absolutely definitley needs to read your Snapchat

The recent ransomware attack on the NHS and many others across the world definitely means that GCHQ need to read your email, announced...
iPhone

Rochdale iPhone owner awarded medal after not reminding everybody he has an iPhone for...

Damon McIntyre of Rochdale was awarded a gold medal by his local community this week after managing a whole week without using the phrase...

You can’t trust a man with a beard says Daily Express

Corbyn is clearly trying to turn Britain into Soviet Russia, insinuate the media today after a leaked list of ideas described as a manifesto. “Sounds...
Corbyn

LABOUR TAX BOMBSHELL TAX TAX BOMBSHELL TAX LABOUR TAX TAX BOMB TAX!!!!!

The entire media demanded that Labour provide a triplicated cost analysis today after it was announced that Jeremy Corbyn might be planning to put...

Trump redefines Pre-existing Conditions as type of terror

A new kind of terrorism is trying to destroy the great American dream, according to the Trump Administration today. “Pre-existing conditions are trying to ruin...
Cliff Richard

Cliff Richard is absolutely, definitely not a nonce admits BBC

Rumours are spreading that CLiff Richards, who is not a nonce, is furious today after the BBC suggested that he had racked up unreasonable...

Proper Patriots furious about Po Ling Day

Patriots across Ingerlaand are furious today after hearing that it's Po Ling Day. “Why we celebrating some bleeding foreigner, eh?” spat Rochdale UKIP supporter Arthur...
Hippy shit

Two kids remember something – proves some hippy shit totally

With all the scientific rigour of a hippy Merlin with a bone through his nose, the BBC headlines recently included the assertion that the...
Theresa May

Anagramologists discover Conservatives is an anagram of voters cave in

Only Theresa May can effectively negotiate Brexit, according to Tories. “Obviously with all 27 EU nations being absolutely united and holding all the cards,” explained...

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