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Quentin D Fortesqueue

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Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.

Angela Merkel to meet Theresa May to tell her to fuck off in person

Following historic meetings with world leaders such as Carwyn Jones and Nicola Sturgeon during her first week as British Prime Minister Theresa is set...

Politicians vote in favour of restarting the Cold War

Having had 27 years to think about it the House of Commons voted this evening almost 4 to 1 in favour of restarting the...

Olympic movement rocked by revelation that Russia has an anti-doping lab

News is breaking today that Russia, much to the surprise of the international sporting community actually has an anti-doping laboratory.  Whistle-blower Grigory Radchenkov, the former...

Self-publicist Simon Danczuk MP fails to start Twitter war with Vince Cable

Disgraced labour MP, serial text pest and pornography enthusiast Simon Danczuk accused the former Business Secretary Sir Vince Cable of being “old hat” on...

Yes Prime Minister explains the Trident Vote

Sir Humphrey: With Trident we could obliterate the whole of Eastern Europe. Jim Hacker: I don't want to obliterate the whole of Eastern Europe.  Sir Humphrey:...

Theresa May to meet Carwyn Jones to tell him to fuck off in person

Theresa May is set to meet Carwyn Jones, the First Minister of Wales to reassure him that the needs, plans, hopes and dreams of...

Corbyn “gives” Labour MP’s free vote on Trident

Besieged Labour Party leader Jeremy Corbyn has generously given the MP's in the Labour Party the opportunity to vote with their conscience rather than...

Beards still cool, insists man with beard

As far as flash in the pan fashion trends go the 2015-2016 beard pandemic appears to be showing no sign of relenting with sales...
Sturgeon May

Theresa May meets Nicola Sturgeon to tell her to fuck off in person

Theresa May met children’s entertainer and Scottish First Minister, Nicola Sturgeon today to tell her to fuck off in person. Ostensibly the meeting was to...

Amateur Orthopaedic Surgeon not as good as expert – concedes Brexit voter sick of...

Following months of "expert fatigue" the British public may now be prepared to start listening to people who know what they're fucking talking about. Following...

British News Accused of Insensitivity

The news industry in the UK came under fire last night amid accusations of insensitivity at a time of national mourning. While the citizens of...
NewsThump

Scandal as NewsThump admits to making stuff up

A scandal is breaking in the media industry with allegations of editorial impropriety at NewsThump, one of the world’s most trusted online news sources. Trusted by...

Many Muslims not rioting in streets

The Rochdale Herald learned today that almost two billion Muslims around the world went about their daily business without perpetuating a single crime, let...

Rumours are circulating that Boris Johnson was the “brains” behind an attempted coup in...

Our source from Eurasian think tank Ata Matters informed us that the Etonian fop masterminded the attempted takeover after his coup d'etat of the UK...

Leadsom bookies favourite in cabinet deadpool

Professional sexist and political hot potato Andrea Leadsom was under fire yesterday following revelations that her comments about motherhood in The Times during her...

Labour, the Social DEMOCRATIC Party, takes more steps to prevent undesirables from voting

The National Executive Committee of the Labour Party has announced today that only those to the right of Tony Blair will be permitted to...

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