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Nosmo King

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Wank Bank to close with loss of 1,200 Hand Jobs – Bosses Blame 4G...

The Wank Bank, formally Britain's premier repository of one-handed images, has announced that it will shut its doors after over 100 years of trading. Founded in...

Archbishop Suspended By Labour Over Historically Discredited Old Testament

Labour have suspended Justin Welby, the Archbishop of Canterbury. In an enquiry it was claimed that the Archbishop, 53, had been reported to the Labour...
Miliband

Ed Miliband Suspended by Labour in Anti-Semitic Bacon Sandwich Shocker

Former Labour Leader Ed Miliband has been suspended from the Party after being accused of anti-Semitic breakfast habits. A spokesman for the Labour Party...

Waitrose Launch Free From Flavour and Common Sense Range in London Stores

Waitrose are launching a range of food that will taste of nothing and cost "shit-loads more" in their London stores. Quentin Danvers, Head of Pretentious...
Geert Wilders

World “back on track” after Dutch non-Nazi gets 20% of the vote

World leaders have rushed to hail the Dutch general election as the turning point in the history of civilisation. With the rising tide of...

Donald Trump’s Golf Partner Outraged at Sexist Muirfield

Rory McIlroy, who plays golf with a man who openly questioned Hilary Clinton's ability to sexually satisfy her husband, has continued his criticism of...
face palm

Hammond to read policy documents before saying them out loud in future

Phillip Hammond, for now at least Chancellor of the Exchequer, has announced that in future he will "have a butchers at" major policy documents...

Sturgeon triggers IndyRef 2 after house lands on sister

Nicola Sturgeon sensationally called for an independence referendum after a house came seemingly from nowhere and landed on her sister. Speaking through an interpreter she...

Sturgeon Calls for Scots Independence to save British Lions Tour

Nicola Sturgeon has called for IndyRef2 to be brought forward to save the British Lions Tour to New Zealand. Speaking in the aftermath of Scotland's...

Priests to Discover What Celibacy Really Means – Say Experts

Following the historic announcement by Pope Francis that Priests are to be allowed to marry, experts are saying that Catholic Priests are, for the...
Sturgeon

Autumn 2022 “common sense date for IndyRef 4” says Sturgeon

Scotland's first minister has said autumn 2018 would be a "common sense" date for a 4th independence referendum. Nicola Sturgeon continued to insist, however, that...

French Declare Victory and Award Medals After Sniper Shoots Drinks Waiter

France has declared 3 days of National holidays after a "hero" sniper accidentally injured two people who were moving cases of Evian at an...

Whitehaven and Cumbria to Leave UK Launch of Cumbria Independence Party CUMFUK

Emboldened by her landslide victory in the Copeland By-Election, new MP Trudy Harrison has announced that she is leaving the Conservative Party to campaign...

Nick Clegg and the Rise of the Alt-Righteous

The Alt-Righteous, or Always Terribly Self-Righteous, are a loose group of people claiming uber-liberal ideologies but with somewhat different behaviours. They vehemently reject mainstream opinions...

Scientists Prove Fake News Caused by “A lack of bullying in schools”

Scientists believe they have proven the rise of Fake News is a direct consequence of the decline of bullying in schools. Professor Andrei Clewsov of...

Area 51 to Close Aliens Expelled – Trump Conversation with Galactic Emperor ‘Worst...

Donald Trump has ordered the closure of Area 51 and the immediate expulsion of all aliens.  During a turbulent conversation with The Galactic Emperor, which...

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