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Jodie Knott

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High mistress of the underworld, destroyer of souls, collector of small pottery cats. Also one of the country's premier frock enthusiasts.
Snow on trees

Britain urged to get used to winter

With the annual two inches of snow set to cause havoc across the country again experts have advised people to stop whining and get...

Hunt solves NHS waiting list crisis with introduction of geological clock

Health Secretary Jeremy Hunt has solved the problem of NHS waiting times by making hospitals use the geological clock.  After coming under increasing pressure from...

“Are we living in Nazi Germany?” Tweets man backed by Neo-Nazis.

Without any inkling of irony at all, a man who has the support of the USA's best and brightest Neo-Nazi....sorry, Alt-Right groups, and who...

Woman wins “I’ve got no self respect, get me out of here!”

A woman called Scarlett Moffat, who you've probably never heard of or will again, has won the annual competition to see just how far...

Big 6 to impose “Christmas Levy” on consumers

The Big 6 electricity providers are set to impose a special levy on households deemed to have displays of more than 5 metres of...

Santa under pressure to explain unfair listing system

The popular dispenser of Christmas gifts, Santa Claus, has come under pressure today to explain the process behind the compilation of his Naughty and...

Retailers unconcerned by “Buy Nothing Day”

UK retailers were left smirking knowingly today as momentum gathered for the Buy Nothing Day campaign, being run on the same day as Black...

Farage to become economic migrant.

Sources close to the MEP, would be ambassador and professional Admiral Ackbar lookalike Nigel Farage, say he is close to moving the the USA. Apparently...

Football team goes one point ahead in Premiership.

Fans of popular football team Chelsea Albion were agog with joy today when the team went one point ahead of arch rivals Liverpool Wanderers...

Germany devoid of German Christmas markets

German shoppers are disappointed that they have nowhere to buy lots of pointless tat in the run up to Christmas.  With every British town apparently...
Nuclear explosion

“We’re looking forward to getting out” say nuclear weapons. 

Nuclear weapons all over the world are today looking forward to their upcoming launch as an opportunity to stretch their legs.  With launch codes about...
Marxist Bedwetter

John Lewis advert “Darkly Sinister”

John Lewis, purveyors of things that ultimately no one needs or wants, has made everything better with a darkly sinister tale about a black...
Fuck

Seriously?

I mean, just....Fuck,  Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck.  A spokesman for minorities everywhere said; "Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck...

Newspaper sellers to take precautions.

Newsagents and shops where papers are sold all over the UK are being urged by the Health and Safety Executive to take extra precautions...

FIFA poppy row escalates

British football fans have been advised that if they object to FIFA's stance on its national teams wearing poppies on armistice day, then they...

GBBO causes football fracas

It has been revealed that last night's violence at the London stadium was caused when West Ham fans chanted the name of the Bake...

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