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Jodie Knott

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High mistress of the underworld, destroyer of souls, collector of small pottery cats. Also one of the country's premier frock enthusiasts.

Poll reveals public wants good old fashioned political sex scandal

A Herald survey reveals that public perception of politicians lean towards disappointment at them not having any juicy sex scandals anymore.  Carried out at the...

Liberal hospitalised after catching racism from Daily Mail

A Rochdale man has been admitted to a psychiatric hospital today after contracting racism from a close encounter with the Daily Mail.  Colin Nigelsson, a...
Brexit

Government’s Brexit White Paper revealed

The hotly anticipated government White Paper on Brexit was released this week to an explosion of love juice from the editors of the Mail...

Rail Companies to simplify process of deciding which is the worst

Following recent criticism from the rail regulator, Train operating companies (TOCs) are to make it easier for travellers to decide which has the worst...

People confused over what Testing is for

Journalists and other easily baffled people were today up in arms that a thing being tested didn't work as planned. Idiots the country over were...
Snow on trees

Britain urged to get used to winter

With the annual two inches of snow set to cause havoc across the country again experts have advised people to stop whining and get...

Hunt solves NHS waiting list crisis with introduction of geological clock

Health Secretary Jeremy Hunt has solved the problem of NHS waiting times by making hospitals use the geological clock.  After coming under increasing pressure from...

“Are we living in Nazi Germany?” Tweets man backed by Neo-Nazis.

Without any inkling of irony at all, a man who has the support of the USA's best and brightest Neo-Nazi....sorry, Alt-Right groups, and who...

Woman wins “I’ve got no self respect, get me out of here!”

A woman called Scarlett Moffat, who you've probably never heard of or will again, has won the annual competition to see just how far...

Big 6 to impose “Christmas Levy” on consumers

The Big 6 electricity providers are set to impose a special levy on households deemed to have displays of more than 5 metres of...

Santa under pressure to explain unfair listing system

The popular dispenser of Christmas gifts, Santa Claus, has come under pressure today to explain the process behind the compilation of his Naughty and...

Retailers unconcerned by “Buy Nothing Day”

UK retailers were left smirking knowingly today as momentum gathered for the Buy Nothing Day campaign, being run on the same day as Black...

Farage to become economic migrant.

Sources close to the MEP, would be ambassador and professional Admiral Ackbar lookalike Nigel Farage, say he is close to moving the the USA. Apparently...

Football team goes one point ahead in Premiership.

Fans of popular football team Chelsea Albion were agog with joy today when the team went one point ahead of arch rivals Liverpool Wanderers...

Germany devoid of German Christmas markets

German shoppers are disappointed that they have nowhere to buy lots of pointless tat in the run up to Christmas.  With every British town apparently...
Nuclear explosion

“We’re looking forward to getting out” say nuclear weapons. 

Nuclear weapons all over the world are today looking forward to their upcoming launch as an opportunity to stretch their legs.  With launch codes about...

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