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Felpersham Dogbolter

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Oh no. This is not good. Has anyone reported this? I can't be doing with all this ballache. Really, I can't.

Hopkins’ lobotomy was cosmetic surgery, doctors reveal

Rochdale Community University Hospital was proud to announce the complete success of their most prestigious piece of cosmetic neurosurgery today. Originally described as a procedure to address...
Corbyn

Corbyn says we’re going to build a wall and Sturgeon is keen to pay...

Communist rabble-rouser and socialist firebrand, Jeremy Corbyn, today announced the central plank of his party's manifesto pledge will be to build a wall between England...

Global economy near collapse after George Osborne pulls sickie

It has been revealed that once George Osborne takes up his post as Editor of the London Evening Standard, his importance to the global...

Phil Spencer really was a Secret Agent

In an ironic illustration of life imitating art it was revealed today that Channel 4 property porn star, Phil Spencer, really did operate as...

David Cameron becomes Hero of the Russian Federation

The Kremlin announced today that David Cameron is to be recognised as a Hero of the Russian Federation, the highest honour that can be...

Pope declares all good atheists can go to heaven

In a surprise ecumenical encyclical from the Vatican, Pope Francis has indicated that atheists could be allowed to pass through the Pearly Gates and...

George Osborne represents the new Standard Londoner

There was surprise throughout the media world today when it was announced that Gideon "George" Osborne, MP for Tatton, would join the London Evening...

Electoral Commission added to watchlist of subversive organisations

The Government announced today that, after a long and thorough review of the workings of the Electoral Commission, they have added it to the...

Rochdale Herald boycotts future White House coverage

In a shock announcement, the Founding Editor of this esteemed organ has declared it will be withdrawing from future coverage of the current White House...

Bishop of Coventry confused over sexuality

The Right Reverend Christopher Cocksworth has admitted to sexual confusion, after screwing up a General Synod vote on gay marriage. "I didn't know which way...

Downing Street denies allegations of incontinence

In an unprecedented announcement, Downing Street issued a denial of any suggestions that the Prime Minister is incontinent. "During a period of initial uncertainty, many...

President Trump’s half-brother assassinated in Kuala Lumpur

In a shocking announcement from Malayasia, official sources have revealed that President Donald Trump's half-brother has been assassinated at Kuala Lumpur Airport. According to local TV reports, Mr...

UKIP Conspiracy theorists claim Paul Nuttall is being erased from history

UKIP leader, Paul Nuttall PhD, is concerned that he is being erased from history by a shadowy group of leftist and liberal media conspirators.  He recently had to...

Dianne Abbott’s ex-husband confirms she often gets headaches

Dianne Abbott's ex-husband has put to bed rumours that Dianne was merely pulling a sicky to avoid casting her vote for Article 50 by...

Sex worker and fruit picker tops post-Brexit career options

According to a press release from the Federated Institution of Associated School Careers Officers, the Brexit Plan simplifies future British employment opportunities to sex work...

May to appeal to Supreme Court ruling at European Court of Justice

In a move that has thoroughly confused political observers, Theresa May has instructed the Attorney General to appeal today's Supreme Court judgement on Article...

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