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Scoop McPherson

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Prince Philip is ‘perfectly fine’ Palace assures public

HRH Prince Philip was straight back to work today insulting foreigners just three days after being released from hospital.  Palace officials were quick to point...

Local party member unsure whether Tory website hacked or just total bullsh*t

Following Friday's 'sustained and aggressive' cyber attack on Westminster, speculation mounts as to whether the official Conservative party website has been hacked and vandalised...

Jeremy Corbyn further insults the Queen with massive wedgie

By means of adding injury to insult, nefarious super villain and national traitor Jeremy Corbyn went one step lower in his ceaseless quest to...

Skeletor still ‘pretty buff’ for a skeleton

Men's Health Magazine today announced its annual Top Ten Fittest Male Celebs list with actor, recently elected DUP MP and self proclaimed evil overlord Skeletor...

Paul Nuttall celebrates victory with speech outside 10 Downing Street

UKIP supremo Paul Nuttall was in jubilant mood this afternoon after seeing his party win the 2017 election with a landslide victory. After visiting Her...

Corbyn popularity ratings soar after ZZ Top grant him keys to magic Hot Rod

In what would at first glance appear to be a complete and utter ripoff of an Onion article dating back to 1997, Labour Party...

More Guardian Subscriptions Cancelled Over Fresh Crossword Slur

Following yesterday's scandal that saw literally units of enraged Scotts cancelling their subscriptions, The Guardian's simple crossword this morning poured fresh fuel onto the...

Apology

In last Wednesdays edition, in the article 'Susan Boyle to sing Dead Kennedys 'Too Drunk To [email protected]' at Trump Inauguration', we incorrectly referred to...
knitting

16 Dead In Rochdale Women’s Institute Needle Exchange Hep B Outbreak

The Department of Health have launched an inquiry into an outbreak of Hepatitis B at a Rochdale WI knitting needle swap scheme after untreated...

Susan Boyle to sing Dead Kennedys ‘Too Drunk To F*ck’ at Trump Inauguration

In a last ditch attempt to find a "celebrity" to perform at Trump's Inauguration Scottish songstress and Britain's Got Talent sensation Susan Boyle (aka...

Local Entrepreneur Makes Big Hit On Dragon’s Den

Local businessman Vinnie 'Fingers' McPherson entered the big league in the world of high finance today when his appearance on TV's popular Dragon's Den show took...

Rochdale Chip Shop In Heartwarming Tale Of Generosity

The owner of a Rochdale takeaway shop that delivered a bag of brown heroin to an ailing customer, along with their dinner, has said reaction to...

OED announces Word Of The Year

The Oxford English Dictionary announced the winner of their prestigious Word Of The Year competition at a champagne gala ceremony in London's upmarket Neasden...

New Milk Plus craze proves popular among health conscious droogs, malchickywicks.

Following hot on the heels of the popular and successful Juice Plus craze, a new fad is set to storm the nation in the...

This week’s front pages, at a glance

'Mr Shifty' Philip Green is exonerated of all wrongdoing when it transpires he is actually a seven year old boy. Forced to wear a...

‘Fake Sheikh’ Gets 15 Months For Making Obscene Phone Calls

Undercover Herald reporter Bazzer McNood has been sentenced to 15 months (suspended) plus a 20 hour Community Service Order for making lewd and obscene nuisance phone...

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