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Scoop McPherson

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Corbyn popularity ratings soar after ZZ Top grant him keys to magic Hot Rod

In what would at first glance appear to be a complete and utter ripoff of an Onion article dating back to 1997, Labour Party...

More Guardian Subscriptions Cancelled Over Fresh Crossword Slur

Following yesterday's scandal that saw literally units of enraged Scotts cancelling their subscriptions, The Guardian's simple crossword this morning poured fresh fuel onto the...

Apology

In last Wednesdays edition, in the article 'Susan Boyle to sing Dead Kennedys 'Too Drunk To [email protected]' at Trump Inauguration', we incorrectly referred to...
knitting

16 Dead In Rochdale Women’s Institute Needle Exchange Hep B Outbreak

The Department of Health have launched an inquiry into an outbreak of Hepatitis B at a Rochdale WI knitting needle swap scheme after untreated...

Susan Boyle to sing Dead Kennedys ‘Too Drunk To F*ck’ at Trump Inauguration

In a last ditch attempt to find a "celebrity" to perform at Trump's Inauguration Scottish songstress and Britain's Got Talent sensation Susan Boyle (aka...

Local Entrepreneur Makes Big Hit On Dragon’s Den

Local businessman Vinnie 'Fingers' McPherson entered the big league in the world of high finance today when his appearance on TV's popular Dragon's Den show took...

Rochdale Chip Shop In Heartwarming Tale Of Generosity

The owner of a Rochdale takeaway shop that delivered a bag of brown heroin to an ailing customer, along with their dinner, has said reaction to...

OED announces Word Of The Year

The Oxford English Dictionary announced the winner of their prestigious Word Of The Year competition at a champagne gala ceremony in London's upmarket Neasden...

New Milk Plus craze proves popular among health conscious droogs, malchickywicks.

Following hot on the heels of the popular and successful Juice Plus craze, a new fad is set to storm the nation in the...

This week’s front pages, at a glance

'Mr Shifty' Philip Green is exonerated of all wrongdoing when it transpires he is actually a seven year old boy. Forced to wear a...

‘Fake Sheikh’ Gets 15 Months For Making Obscene Phone Calls

Undercover Herald reporter Bazzer McNood has been sentenced to 15 months (suspended) plus a 20 hour Community Service Order for making lewd and obscene nuisance phone...

EXCLUSIVE: PIPPA MIDDLETON TOPLESS PHOTOS BREAK INTERNET

Still recovering from the profound damage caused by that picture of Kim Kardashian's arse a while back, the Interweb was dealt yet another bitter...

Brian Cox Announced As New President Of Flat Earth Society

Both the scientific and pseudo-scientific communities express a modicum of shock as tousle-haired synth-pop supremo and thinking housewives favourite Professor Brian Cox is sworn...

Nation Ecstatic As Dapper Laughs Finally Disappears Up Own Arse

Finally some good news! The nation was overcome with emotion today as positive confirmation came through that sexual assault based 'comedian' and professional pick...

New VW Eco-Diesel Car Scraps Itself In Event Of Ecological Disaster

Volkswagen announced the launch date for the VW Plannett Fuckerr, their new eco-friendly diesel family saloon today, assuring customers that this is 'the most...

Pothead Calls Kettle Black; Clinton Challenges Trump To TV Drug Blowout

Trump Challenges Clinton To Drug Test Prior To Next Debate - Clinton Lashes Back With Drug Taking Contest Challenge US Election 2016; Following Donald Trump's...

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