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Scoop McPherson

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Terrorists ‘disappointed’ to be rewarded with 72 vegans in heaven

Typographical error blamed for afterlife reward mix-up The five jihadists involved in last Saturday's Spanish terror attack have expressed 'disappointment' upon receiving the heavenly reward...

Trump threatens N. Korea with Fire, Fury, Trouser Snake and six other American Gladiators

Following Kim Jong Il's threat to carry out missile strike on US territory, President Trump counters with threat of onslaught by mid-90s kick-ass TV...
ALBERT

V&A apologises for asking man who whipped his Albert out to cover up

The Victoria and Albert Museum has apologised after a man said he was asked to "cover up" while whipping his cock out for a...

Anti-Vaxxer has very messy carpet

In an ironic twist that would give Alanis Morissette a run for her money, local Anti-Vaxx campaigner Tarquin O'Flerfer is reported to have a...

Interflora agent admits to killing Lady Di in deathbed confession shock

Alleged deathbed confession implicates both floral delivery service and royal family in assassination plot In a shock announcement that has been doing the rounds on...

World’s oldest Andrew Neil joke discovered in cave in France

Excavations at caves in Lascaux uncover the oldest as yet discovered Andrew Neil joke believed to date back almost 20,000 years. An excited team of...
Westboro Baptist Church

Westboro Baptist Churchgoers saddened by news that God actually hates FAQ’s

Congregation of famously homophobic church disheartened to learn that The Almighty is 'proper hacked off with being asked the same dumb shit over and...

God brings Christopher Hitchens back from the dead for ‘shits and giggles’

Deceased intellectual and prominent atheist resurrected by The Almighty 'for a bit of a laugh' following hiatus. Following what close acquaintances have described as 'a...

Rolf Harris to paint The Queen again for TV comeback special

Former popular television presenter to repaint Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth following release from prison. Rolf Harris, 87, is rumoured to be looking at the possibility...

TV producer just can’t quite find the right Kraftwerk song for Tour De France...

Local TV producer and sound editor has expressed 'exasperation' in his struggle to find exactly the right song by seminal German synth pioneers to...

Prince Philip to be dismantled following cladding inspection failure

HRH the Duke Of Edinburgh to be decommissioned and scrapped after failing Health and Safety tests. Sad scenes at Buckingham Palace today as Prince Philip...

Prince Philip to reprise role in new Star Wars film

His Royal Highness to play part of Grand Moff Tarkin again in latest outing of sci-fi saga. Warning: contains spoilers Shooting began today for the latest...

Stonehenge to be knocked down to make way for new Super-Mosque

Details leaked from an article due to be published in the Daily Mail show plans to bulldoze the famous neolithic landmark to make way...

Theresa May to headline Latitude Festival

Not to be outdone by Corbyn's appearance at Glastonbury last weekend, May hastily forms new band to perform at Latitude this July. In the kind...

Prince Philip in grim reaper racist remark gaffe

Hospital staff were apparently left flabbergasted at the Duke of Edinburgh's casually racist remarks during a recent impromptu visit by Death, the harvester of...

Prince Philip is ‘perfectly fine’ Palace assures public

HRH Prince Philip was straight back to work today insulting foreigners just three days after being released from hospital.  Palace officials were quick to point...

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