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Adam

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fire safety experts

Fire safety experts admit fire escapes probably not best place for massive explosive gas...

Camden fire chiefs are today red faced at having to admit to missing bleedin' obvious fire hazards in poor peoples' containment blocks on all...

Fireproof cladding found for Westminster cover up

Following years of swingeing corner cutting, government officials anticipate further public outrage and blame as fallout from the Grenfell catastrophe. Luckily a magic money tree...
Running

DUP explains kneecapping naughtier than running through wheat field

Talks between the Conservatives and the DUP are said to be ongoing as the PM desperately tries to cobble together a slim working majority...

Theresa May currently at bargaining stage of grieving process

Psychoanalysts have spoken out about their concerns over the behaviour of the current prime minister after the sudden shock of losing her dearly beloved...

Deranged cycle path murders his spell checker

Rochdale police have announced they have comprehended and changed a man in his fortes for the brittle killing of his spell checker. In a statesman, a...
Marine A

Marine A tired of catchphrase ‘shuffle off this mortal coil you c*nt’

The soldier formerly know as "Marine A" has finally been released following his time served for slaughtering an injured enemy combatant and recording his...

Prince Philip says secret to easy life is having somebody to iron your socks

Everyone is always talking about the youthful composure of our national treasure Prince Phillip. Now his retirement has been announced, the spritely Greek has...
Kim Jong Un

Kim Jong Un claims he is six months away from being able to launch...

In a further act of provocation, North Korea says it has conducted yet another controversial social message test. The claim was bellowed out over the...

Islam a lifestyle choice, says man who chose rabidly Islamophobic lifestyle

In a desperate attempt to justify religious persecution, a foaming bigot from Croydon has declared that Islam is a lifestyle choice and therefore fair...
Bleeding figure of Christ

PC BBC bans ‘graphically violent’ crucifixion depictions for Easter

In a controversial move, the BBC has announced it will be 'normalising' it's guidelines for showing scenes of violence, by banning all images of...

Couldn’t organise a piss up at a brewery now Couldn’t open an envelope at...

People bored with ways of describing the gross ineptitude they see around them on a daily basis in work, in the media, in government and politics...

Public unsure what to believe after Nuttall admits ‘Everything I say is a lie’

In another reputation-busting move, Paul Nuttall has stumped logicians and shocked the wider world with the classic Liar's or Epimenides Paradox by saying; "Everything I...

Sweden attack was 100 times worse than The Bowling Green Massacre says Kellyanne Conway

More details are emerging of the savage attack somewhere in Sweden on Thursday, or perhaps Wednesday involving one or less unknown assailants. In a shocking...
Tony Blair

Tony Blair ego in critical condition after found clinging to Brexit controversy in Atlantic

After being lost for several months following his exile from the UK, Tony Blair's ego has been found clinging desperately to a Brexit controversy...

Trump to surprise himself with another Trump portrait for Valentine’s Day

In another sign of his commitment to his relationship with himself Trump has commissioned another portrait of himself as a surprise Valentine's gift to...

Church of England still utterly irrelevant clergy decide

After a long and protracted three year conversation with one another, Anglican clerics in silly fancy dress have said marriage should only be between...

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