A shocking revelation has come to light in a study recently carried out by reputable cancer stick manufacturer, Rechmond Stirrling.
However, the outcome has been accused of being “cloudy and unfounded.” by a leading expert in e-cigarettes. An inside source for The Rochdale Herald has revealed that after a tank in sales, most tobacco companies are recoiling from the blow. As a result, many are liquidating half of their stocks and rebrand their business vision with the help of Benson Edges, renowned chain-smoker.
The study was conducted in a secret location in The Big Smoke, as known as London, if you please. 75 participants took part. 25 experienced vapers were asked to smoke crack, another 25 asked to smoke cigarette and the final 25 were given candy sticks to act as a placebo.
During a battery of stringent tests these results were found:
* 100% of vapers die within their own lifetime
* Popcorn lung has lasting effects but does come in handy when you’re out of snacks at the cinema
* Crack cocaine increases the size of internal bullshit meters. Vapour just disappears which is a load of cock and bull
* Candy sticks are a gateway drug and children have since been advised to stay in school
* Cloud-chasing is not classed an Olympic sport due to the questionable nature of juicing
Researchers finally reached a verdict that all vapers should be tarred with the same brush. Unfortunately, we were unable to gain any direct comments from the participants as within three weeks of the final testing stage, all participants were found dead, burnt out and unable to ever vape again.
Sales of cigarettes have yet to burn dry and there has been a steady increase in revenue since the health benefits have been dragged to the attention of the public.
Smokers may be jokers but they had the last laugh and danced across the graves of the serial vapists, whilst listening to Smokey Robinson’s greatest hits.