Spanish weatherman, Phillip Dos, has been left in the drink after a Michael Fish moment forecasting the weather for the Spanish Armada.

“Forecasting weather in Spain is easy.” Senor Dos explained, bobbing up and down on a piece of driftwood in the English Channel. “It’s always good.”

All seemed set fair, with God’s blessing, when the Spanish Armada of one hundred and thirty ships set sail with the simple aim of invading Thanet in Kent.

The Duke of Medina Sidonia, in command, was not much prized as a naval commander, but he was as a good luck charm for sunshine.

“The first week it was lovely weather.” Dos explained. “I said, you see this blue sky? This ball of lovely sun? This is God’s weather he has given it to us. God always gives to the Duke the sun.”

Apparently a junior officer on one of the vessels did raise a signal asking if the rumours of bad weather in the English Channel were true because a fortune telling crone had thrown the knuckle bones and predicted a hurricane.

“I heard nothing of this storm when God spoke to me at prayers.” Dos continued. “This old lady must be crazy. You look out the sky and you pray. What fool uses bones?”
Nothing to worry about then.

“I did advise though, if you see those mad, heretic English setting fire to their own ships you run. Well, you sail, only baby Jesus can run on water. Worry about these burning ships. Forget the sky. The weather will be lovely, like at home, and we’ll regroup and invade England in Kent.”

But it seems the bones weren’t lying after all.

“Forecasting the weather in England is not so easy.” Senor Dos went on, now looking very sad.

“How is anyone supposed to get this right? I have heard of this Michael Fish, but I thought he was unlucky because he was English. Now I understand how he feels. At least he had satellites to use. Forecasting the weather in the 16th Century? It’s not so easy.”

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