A violent, egomaniacal racist arsehole is being treated for pneumonia after being admitted to hospital in Majorca.

The 57-year-old was on a family holiday on the Spanish island when he was taken ill.

The utterly detestable gobshite is on a break from filming his new Amazon Prime show and plans to return to work next week.

He said that he was “in a wheelchair, connected up to tubes, in a hospital”, and also posted a picture of himself on Instagram.

A spokesman confirmed he is being treated for pneumonia and was apologetic that he couldn’t present the public with a worse prognosis just yet but said.

“He’s a heavy smoker and he doesn’t do any cardio other than chasing younger women he’s not married to and violently assaulting colleagues. He thinks salad is for wimps. I can’t imagine he’ll be around that much longer.”

The Grand Tour on Amazon Prime is really awful viewing.

Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.