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Man believes in equality because he has daughters

A man has confirmed today that he is “totally woke” on the issues facing women today, because he has made not just one, but two, with his magical penis wand.

“Well, I think I really, you know, started to fully appreciate how things were for women when I realised I could make my life easier by making my wife happy,” explained Godfrey Stedman, 44.

“Before then, as you might expect, I was primarily focussed on opportunities for myself in life, but really that is only because my own, not inconsiderable, success at work, was what women would expect from me. Obviously I had to earn enough so that my wife didn’t have to work and could raise our children.”

Stedman is very conscious of the importance of equality in the future.
“However, now, I have daughters, and well, I want them to be able to afford to get a foot on the property ladder without turning to the Bank of Mum and Dad. By which, I mean, the Bank of Dad obviously, because Mum doesn’t work.”

“So we really must address this gender pay gap, ideally, around about the time I retire. I should then of course retire on a higher pension than my wife, which really is just an actuarial calculation because men die sooner because we’ve had a hard life doing all the work.”

Stedman is also particularly keen to ensure that his children are affluent enough for his care as and when the time comes.

Johnny Wapping: