Top cycling teams have been paying tribute to the man who provides fresh urine to high profile Tour de France riders for drugs tests.

Chopper Raleigh said, “It’s always nice to be recognised. Not everyone knows the sort of effort it all takes. I have to follow the peloton all over France keeping my fluids up. It’s quite stressful having to pee on demand then find a way to pass it to the riders without anyone seeing. Recognition like this makes it all worth while.”

One high profile team spokesman Rob King said, “We’re thrilled for Chopper. It’s takes a lot of effort to make sure a rider gets the bag with the urine in it at the end of each stage. There’s so much can go wrong like it not being the right temperature when they give it the judges.

One year a sample went totally wrong. We’d cut costs and got some generic urine from the internet. It looked totally legit and is the same company the Russian Olympic team recommends. The scientists got the sample, ran some tests and the results came back with a positive result for pregnancy.
The scientific technology moves on so fast. I remember the days working in the nineties. 

We used to be able to use horse urine. One of the domestiques would cycle up behind a police horse and get the sample in a bottle then pass it the team leader at the end of the race. Now with the testing they can tell if it’s human so it’s got a lot more complex.”

Not everyone was happy about the nomination though. One anonymous BBC insider said, “This makes a mockery of sports personality of the year. I’ve not seen anything like this since 2006 when Scotland voted for Sven Goran Eriksson to receive the award.”

Chopper now intends to take some time away from cycling being allowed to pee when he wants.

Fact checked by Snopes; Plagiarised by Andrew Neil; Nancy Sinatra's favourite Rochdale satirist; sued by Chris Froome and winner of the 1922 Nobel Prize for Chemistry.* *Not all of these necessarily true.