Peter McCallister, has been found dead at the foot of his stairs within his home 671 Lincoln Avenue, Winnetka, Illinois.

The Police are treating the death of father of five as suspicious. Detective Paul Simmons of the Winnetka police department gave this statement

“At 08:15 this morning, the body of Peter McCallister was discovered by his daughter Megan. Upon investigation by Winnetka police it appears Mr McCallister had unwittingly walked into an elaborate booby trap resulting in a fatal fall down the stairs of his home.”

“We are treating this death as suspicious and are currently seeking several individuals. If anyone has Amy knowledge of the whereabouts of Kevin McCallister, Harold Lyme and Marvin Merchants, please contact us.”

The McCallister family became the subject of global news in 1990, after an incident which left their 8 year old son, Kevin McCallister, home alone and defending himself against a home invasion by two notorious Criminals Harry Lyme and Marv Merchants known as ‘The Wet Bandits’.

A source from the county coroner’s office has detailed the horrific scene

“I arrived there and saw the mess. 30 years on the job and I ain’t seen nothing like it. The guy went through hell. There was a tin of Dulux, still swinging from the ceiling covered in blood. There were Marbles and Feathers everywhere, much of them stuck to the tar covered body. The poor son of a bitch won’t even have an open casket due to burns on his face from a clothes iron. It’s going to take a while to forget the smell of burning flesh.”
The Rochdale Herald has been in contact with ‘Buzz’ McCallister, eldest child of Peter; he

has shed some light on the situation

“It’s Kevin. It’s always Kevin, the squirt. He never forgave my mother and father for leaving him. When my mom Kate left our father to join a travelling polka band, Kevin became completely reclusive; playing gangster films full volume all night and setting trip lines everywhere. He spent his teens in and out juvenile detention and mental health hospitals to deal with his antisocial behaviour and PTSD. ”

“My dad was visiting our uncle Rob in Paris, that’s when we heard Marv and Harry got parole and were released from prison. He cut his trip short and flew home in the hopes of making contact with Kevin. Last we heard he’d been spotted living as a vagrant in New York calling himself ‘the Pigeon King.’ I’m absolutely certain Kevin heard the news and went home. Im telling you now, my dad is victim to Kevin’s paranoia.”

Police are asking for any information on the whereabouts of Kevin McCallister and are currently canvassing the area’s hardware and toy stores.

19th century vegetable highwayman/ satirist. Likes: the sound of a solitary house fly loitering hectically around his ear and the feeling of a warm toilet seat. Favourite topic: writing about political intrigue involving biscuits.