The recent drought of jobs for British citizens has been an ongoing concern. Tirelessly the DWP and businesses have been desperately trying to scramble together enough roles to keep the unemployed potential workforce earning a crust. So far, zero hours has been the sum of these efforts, but today they were handed a lifeline.

The armed tactical response unit of the DWP, known by the public as the ‘Job Squad’, has secured £25 million of jobs, following a raid on a flat in Rochdale, after a tip-off. The jobs were alleged to have been stolen by an illegal immigrant, also claiming more than £50,000 a year in benefits. The suspect is thought to have been part of a wider job-stealing ring consisted entirely of jealous immigrants, which is currently under investigation as part of Project Workmore.

The benefits cheat was arrested on suspicion of multiple counts of theft and unlawful taking of a job. He is expected to receive the harshest sentence possible for this crime, 200 hours Unpaid Work on a community sentence. A spokesperson for the Job Squad said, “This was a real coup for the Squad, knowing that these jobs at fish factories and fast food restaurants, among other top establishments are back where they belong, with the British people”.

When the Rochdale Herald asked the Police why they were not involved in this highly successful case, they declined to comment. The DWP has vowed to fill the recovered roles with talented and eager individuals and to “keep the jobs in a big safe” until they are handed back to the deserving British jobless.