Categories: Dr Who

George Osborne confirmed as 13th Doctor Who

Versatile former Chancellor to play austere Time Lord. George Osborne, the former Chancellor turned newspaper editor and investment management firm lobbyist, has been announced today as the 13th Doctor.

BBC sources were quick to position the appointment as a worthy riposte to suggestions that the casting of a black lesbian character represented positive discrimination rather than a reflection of our society.

“The Doctor is a Lord, and therefore is most likely white, and at least 40. Whilst he may occasionally be played as a rakish recently inherited Viscount who may possibly dabble with a bit of cock, he is ultimately a stable member of the aristocracy,” explained Timothy Birt-Hunt, the controller of BBC1.

“As such, the rights of primogeniture would apply. It is therefore ludicrous to suggest that some kind of gender swapping would happen. We have already been clear with the character of Missy/Master that gender fluidity is viewed as evil by the BBC and Piers Morgan is right on this as with so many other things.”

The 13th Doctor is expected to be the most affluent Doctor yet. Early indications suggest a narrative arc where the Doctor utilises the power of the Tardis to create a series of parallel universes allowing him to work more jobs than a human would be able to manage.

He will also travel back in time to ensure he inherits an appropriate estate from himself.
The new series has already received a 5 star rating from the Evening Standard.

Johnny Wapping: