A group of Rochdale anarchists have been telling the Herald about the treatment they received at the hands of the German police at the recent G20 protests

The anarchists are members of Rochdale group, Dissidence Means Rebellion, and had been protesting with other groups.

Twisted Grim told us, “We went out on Tuesday night. We wanted to protest at capitalism and globalisation. We wanted our voice to be heard. Plus Donald Trump, I hate him. Our main strategy for protesting is burning property and throwing stuff at the police. It’s been shown through experience that people opposing you will be persuaded that your cause is just if you burn their property and assault them in the street.”

Yersinia Pestis, another anarchist said, “The police treatment was brutal. They deployed water cannons, dogs and tear gas. It was like that scene in X-men where Magneto is being led to that concentration camp. It was totally uncalled for. All we were doing was smashing up the vestiges of capitalism. If they weren’t such slaves to the Bilderbergers the police would see that they are just pawns in the Rothschild game and join us.”

Xerxes Trotsky told us, “I was arrested, put in the back of a van and given water and access to the UK consulate. It was totally barbaric. They wouldn’t let me update Facebook or tweet for 5 hours. My 8 Twitter followers are going to sue. All I did was punch a police horse. It’s totally uncalled for. The German Government should have the police arrested.”

Lakatos Bukharin said, “I was mashed off my tits on MDMA at the time. See in our society there are no rules. The drugs laws are only there so that the Government can control our behaviour and profit from us. Well not me. I was doing nothing other than hurling rocks at the police and then got arrested. It’s a disgrace. There’s laws against police brutality. They should be enforced.”

However, not all members of the group had the same view. Camilla Buckchin said, “I oppose violence. I believe n undermining the system another way. I bake cakes and savoury pastries and give them away for free to my friends. Stick that Greggs.”

The members of Dissidence Means Rebellion were last night consulting Lawyers 4 U on whether they could claim damages for a work place accident since a large part of being an anarchist is rioting but it is unclear if this will be successful.

Fact checked by Snopes; Plagiarised by Andrew Neil; Nancy Sinatra's favourite Rochdale satirist; sued by Chris Froome and winner of the 1922 Nobel Prize for Chemistry.* *Not all of these necessarily true.