Ground-breaking new research by Daily Express reveals Labour leader, Jeremy Corbyn, created a modern day plague in league with the IRA

As we all know, the State is an imposition.  Taxes are theft with the threat of violence.  Dare not to pay your taxes and the State criminalises you, in so doing damaging your livelihood.  The smaller the State, the better, and all budgets should be pared back to the maximum extent possible.

Why should someone who doesn’t benefit from a university education pay for someone else to gain one? Quite right, Michael Gove.

Unless we are talking about potholes.  Nothing will drive a suburban Tory into state dependency faster than the opening up of a new pothole on their cul-de-sac.

“It is your responsibility to sort this out! What on earth do I pay my taxes for?”

Armed with this knowledge, Jeremy Corbyn apparently sought to open up potholes in our immune systems by creating HIV and AIDS.  He and his cronies realised that the only way to enforce true dependency on the State was to create an expensive condition that private insurers would exclude from coverage.  They knew that only when their own craven existence was called into question, would a true Tory acknowledge that there are possibly some benefits to society.

And so, in the late 60s and early 70s, Jeremy Corbyn and Gerry Adams set about a series of clandestine experiments on primates, deliberately infecting the most self-reliant of them all, the Rees-Mogg monkey.  However, in a tragic accident, the Rees-Mogg escaped, and it spread like Marxism.  True discussion of this research has been hampered, of course, by political correctness gone mad.

But, apparently these are the facts.  To think almost as many of you would support this terrible man as support that terrible woman.  You should be ashamed of yourselves. You are each individually as responsible for the spread of AIDS as we are responsible for publishing the truth.

On the bright side, Princess Diana was lovely wasn’t she?

Like many satirists, Johnny Wapping accepts he is an arsehole, and thinks society could be better if we were all willing to accept what arseholes we are. If you see him on Facebook, why not ask if he's read the article?