Public officials in the North of England are conducting secret emergency planning meetings in preparation for one of the largest migrations of people in the country’s history. And it is nothing to do with Brexit.     

The Cobra-like committee has named the expected movement of people “The Mugration,” the Rochdale Herald has learned.

“Sooner or later very large numbers of people in the south of England are going to realise that they can sell even the most squalid and cramped houses in the London urbanisations and live in the North like Scottish Lairds on the proceeds, “said one aide to Andy Burnham, mayor of Manchester, who himself  fled the South to improve his lifestyle.

“Andy was going nowhere whilst living in London and look at him now, rich, powerful and influential since decamping north,” said the aide.

“And he has a very big house now. He is going to be a great inspiration for a lot of Londoners,” he said.

The emergency planning officials are looking at the policies that will be needed to cope with the huge movement of people.

“Obviously, schools, hospitals and other public services are going to be overwhelmed when all these people arrive and we are going to have to be ready to take advantage of the large sums of money they are going to bring with them,”  said the Burnham aide.

“When they come, and it’s not if they come, the streets of the North will then be paved with gold. We have to be ready.” He said.

“We’re no mugs up here you know like.”