It’s the 4th of July national holiday, the anniversary of Independence day in the United States of America. A day when the patriotic celebrate the sacrifice made by thousands of colonial rebels, so that their leaders could avoid paying tax.

Cotton candy, BBQs, beer and fireworks are to be enjoyed across the nation as well as sparodic firing of weapons into the air and national sense of pride, over throwing off the shackles of British imperial oppression and becoming the foremost imperial oppressors of the world.

The President of the United States, Donald Trump, has spent the day in Washington DC addressing veteran’s. However, he has again managed to cause offence and disbelief amongst the crowd.

In a cringing speech, President Trump gave his thanks to the bravery and sacrifice made citizens of the nation.

“One score and one year ago, which im told is 1996, our nation faced total annihilation from Aliens. The white house was destroyed and our weapons did nothing to their defences. A truly Incredible sacrifice was made by two American Heroes, who risked their own lives to fly into the mothership and detonate a bomb. Thanks to their patriotism we are here to day, free.”

An aide to Trump quickly walked over to the POTUS and whispered into his ear the words ‘film, not real and 1776’ we’re heard muffled over the microphone. President Trump, with a look of confusion took a moment before continuing.

“Jeff Goldblum and Will Smith can’t be here today, but I ask you all to give thanks to them, to currently serving personnel and all of those that have given the lives so we can live free. It’s our patriotic spirit that makes America Great.”

19th century vegetable highwayman/ satirist. Likes: the sound of a solitary house fly loitering hectically around his ear and the feeling of a warm toilet seat. Favourite topic: writing about political intrigue involving biscuits.