Rochdale resident Rhona Rumbelow, 32, reacted angrily to something someone may or may not have said to someone else on Saturday at Swingers’ nightclub formerly The Dog Inn.

Speaking on Facebook with the help of Google translate (*the actual text is printed below), she told the Herald, “It has come within the bailiwick of my knowledge that a person, who I have deemed fit should remain incognito, was overheard by a distant cousin, once removed I believe, of mine to have waxed with a dearth of eloquence and a plethora of obscenity upon the quotidian existence of those who, through dint of birth, are to my eternal delight closest to my home and hearth.”

She continued, “Whether or not the foul lexicon was employed by this unnamed strumpet, it matters not. Should she wish to exercise her loquaciousness upon my person, I would prevail upon her, for it is one from the distaff side, to present herself before this narrator rather than speak ill in quarters blessed by my absence. It is to be wished that such a rendezvous will allow me some iota of satisfaction.”

Her friends have been supportive. Amalaya Frootipp, a toenail technician, commented, “**It behoves me to ally myself with my dear, dear friend in this her time of wanting.”

Umbellina Fidget-Spinner also added her support. “***My heart cries out in your hour of need, my sweet friend, and yearns to be cognisant of your well being.”

*U slag U know who seys thihgs wen pised like alway,, dusnt havegust too spk to my faec,,..probs cos ovfuk**g thst bar stud ex ,,,cum rond here shell lern wot wots

**Im wiv u babe alwaze

***U OK Hun?.,

When asked if she saw the irony of a demand for a face to face meeting being posted on social media, she WhatsApp’d, “Fuk of, u cnut.”

Baz Cordouroy is an imaginary friend of a cat called Tibbles. He likes nothing more than rolling on his back and having his tummy tickled. Tibbles however likes listening to Schoenberg and watching the films of Jean Renoir.