Prince Harry has been ruled unfit for work by ATOS after attending a work capability assessment.

“The Prince was sanctioned last month after he missed his first appointment; the excuse given was that he was ‘nuts deep in some yank royal groupie’. However, after losing his benefits the Prince was forced to attend an interview.” Said Thomas Cromwell, Director of ATOS.

“No member of the Royal family actually wants to be the monarch; well aside from my dad” said Harry.

“I mean Charles, not James Hewitt. But, we do want all the benefits that come with winning that ultimate birth lottery; like great wealth, education, property etcetera.”

“I was in a tough position when I was informed the DWP sanctioned me, that position being spreadeagled inside a Norwegian super model of course. Well, I can hardly run the fleet of Bentleys on happy thoughts so I manned up and went to the interview.”

Although no comment has been made by ATOS about the interview other than the out come, the Prince was spotted attending the meeting dressed in full Waffen SS regalia.

“I’m hugely pleased by ATOS decision that I am not fit for work. I’m so happy I have zero responsibility and a huge amount of cashflow I might buy myself another castle, then level it to build a go kart track.”

19th century vegetable highwayman/ satirist. Likes: the sound of a solitary house fly loitering hectically around his ear and the feeling of a warm toilet seat. Favourite topic: writing about political intrigue involving biscuits.