The Prime Minister shocked the country today by forcing a kindly old lady in a blue and yellow hat that looked like an EU flag to read out a note which read, “We’re just going to fucking do Brexit. You lot look after yourselves.”

The note, otherwise known as the Queen’s Speech, was an improvement on the first draft. This is rumoured to have been scrawled on a Ladbroke’s betting slip and read, ‘Brexit 29th March 2019. The lot.”

There was further surprise as the note itself was supposed to have been pretty much a repetition of the election manifesto the Conservative Party put to the ballot on the 8th June.

There was no mention of the many popular policies that saw May romp back into Downing Street after the recent general election.

Missing was the measure to incentivise people to commit suicide at retirement, the greatly loved idea to properly exercise dogs and horses and even the one to remind dim children they’re dim.

There was also no mention of a visit to the U.K. by President Trump who was expected to talk to parliament about his understanding of racial awareness. Instead we are getting a visit from the King and Queen of Spain. Not that that won’t be nice.

It’s hardly a programme worth turning up to vote for in parliament.

Presumably this is the hope of the Prime Minister regarding the future actions of her colleagues, excepting those who don’t like dinosaurs or gays.

This will not be a problem because everyone knows Brexit means Brexit now anyway…