The Mail-online has sought to reassure readers that it was a slack-jawed, lazy, drunken black man who bought the fridge that started the Grenfell tower blaze.

The ‘news source’ which has access to files that even the fire service hasn’t seen said that the man bought the fridge 6 months ago.

Since he is black and definitely not English he has a laid back attitude to fire and didn’t perform the checks a white person would have.

As such, he was very casual the other night when it failed and set off the blaze in the tower block. All the man could think of was drinking beer.

This is helpfully demonstrated by a picture of him drinking beer that the Mail managed to find on his Facebook. An innocent white person wouldn’t have been in possession of such a photo.

The Mail also points out that flats in the surrounding area have gone down in value although luxurious houses have gone up thanks to this black man’s actions.

Furthermore, the black man wouldn’t have been in the country and able to buy dodgy fridges if Nigel Farage was Prime Minister.

The greatest Prime Minister Britain never had refused to comment but the Mail is sure lots of people would still be alive if students didn’t exist and he’d been brought to power.

The Mail has also produced a handy readers guide to root cause analysis. The process will allow readers to identify that the fridge failed due to cuts in the budget of a south east asian company. This will lead the mail to conclude that it’s actually the Chinese to blame and them that should be punished.

It’s understood that the Daily Express will claim that nobody would have died had Princess Diana been alive. But that’s purely speculative.

Fact checked by Snopes; Plagiarised by Andrew Neil; Nancy Sinatra's favourite Rochdale satirist; sued by Chris Froome and winner of the 1922 Nobel Prize for Chemistry.* *Not all of these necessarily true.