Security has been increased at King Edward VII hospital, where it is believed her Majesty the Queen is currently undergoing treatment for an acute and sudden disorder.
A source from inside the hospital told us Her Maj was brought in by police in the early hours of the morning in a distressed state. She was dressed in only a nighty and waving a ceremonial sceptre. She was lashing out at officers shouting,
“I thought that mad bitch cut all of your funding? Why don’t you go and arrest some real criminals eh? Like those Tory pricks who swindled campaign money in 2015? Or that rabble rousing Marxist bastard Corbyn!”
A witness who wishes to remain unnamed said;
“She was wandering up the street in a night gown, banging a sceptre against the door of Bargain Booze whilst shouting something like ‘fucking useless shit brained bastards all of them, makes my stomach turn.’ I thought it was a confused OAP at first, but then I recognized her. It was definitely the Queen; poor dear smelled of Buckfast and cigarettes.”
It is understood that the renowned therapist Dr Füller Schitzel is on his way to the Royal hospital.
The German speech therapist and psychiatrist is an expert in dealing with uncontrollable outbursts of rage, swearing and mania as a result of what he calls ‘catastrophic shitshowitus’.
It is believed the events following the Election results last week, such as the Conservative – DUP deal, Jeremy Corbyn saying he’ll challenge the Queen’s speech and the overall chaos of an impending Brexit, has proved too much for the 91 year old monarch.
“I started with Winston!” The Queen is understood to have raged. “Winston bloody Churchill and I’m supposed to do five years with Theresa thick as two planks May? Someone get me a friggin’ scaffold!”
We here at the Rochdale Herald wish her Majesty a speedy recovery.
