After being metaphorically bludgeoned to death by his electorate, former MP and Liberal Democrats leader Nick Clegg has left politics with his reputation in tatters.

After delivering his farewell speech Clegg was approached by an agent for I’m a Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here, in which he was asked to spend several weeks in the jungle task show.

“Well, I’ve spent the last few years in the living hell of parliamentary life; losing the affection of my voter base and betraying my principles. I suppose a few weeks sweating it out in an Australian jungle should be an improvement; at least the indigenous wildlife is less venomous than in Westminster.” Said Mr Clegg

“I had to swallow my pride and a coalition with David Cameron, swallowing a kangaroos raw bollock will be a piece of piss”.

19th century vegetable highwayman/ satirist. Likes: the sound of a solitary house fly loitering hectically around his ear and the feeling of a warm toilet seat. Favourite topic: writing about political intrigue involving biscuits.