“A coalition? No absolutely not we will not do it” said Tim Farron, earlier today at the Westminster bar.

However, moments later the Liberal Democrat leader was was asked to produce his ID to purchase a Strongbow Darkfruits.

Farron, who resembles a nervous school boy on work experience was unable to pass the 25+ check and was refused service.

A short time later Labour’s John McDonnell and SNP’s Nicola Sturgeon were seen in conversation with Farron in the corner of the room during which McDonnell pushed his pint towards Farron, who then gratefully took a sip.

A reliable source has informed us Farron was then given a bottle of Buckfast from Sturgeon and moments later McDonnell ordered a pint of mild and a Strongbow Darkfruit.

A LibDem aide has since told us Mr Farron is doing more than simply considering joining a coalition.

McDonnell was also over heard saying “Only shandies for you after this Tim, we don’t want you getting too drunk and ranting about gays and sulphur again.”

19th century vegetable highwayman/ satirist. Likes: the sound of a solitary house fly loitering hectically around his ear and the feeling of a warm toilet seat. Favourite topic: writing about political intrigue involving biscuits.