Historians specialising in migration to the British Isles have confirmed that Paul Nuttall actually got something technically right after his Women’s Hour interview this morning.
“He claimed on LBC that before migration our fruit was not rotting in the fields,” said Professor Bringham Inne of Rochdale Community University’s History And Foreigners Department, “Which is technically correct given that before migration would have to refer to the end of the last ice age to be even remotely accurate.”
Dr Ida Sendham-Bach, a History professor from Bolton who is also a member of UKIP agreed:
“It’s true. When the country was entirely covered with snow there wasn’t much fruit rotting in the fields. Quite a bit of mammoth shit but no fruit. But back then in the good old days before the foreigners invaded, you didn’t even need to lock your cave! We were safe!”
Quite why UKIP are being interviewed by the BBC, LBC and other major media outlets as if the stand more than an ice cube in Africa’s chance of winning any seats let alone forming a government is as yet unknown.
UKIP remains the only party that refuses to release their manifesto in the Easy Read format, designed to aid those with limited literacy skills and ability by removing meaningless jargon and misleading statistical analysis.
“To be fair,” said everybody, “If they did that it would be just blank paper and most people already have a roll or two of that in their bathroom.”
