Senior members of the Huddersfield Town squad today confirmed that they have no concerns about promotion.

“I took some advice about staying fit for top flight as an older player from David Batty’s wife Nora, and I tell thee lad, I am in fine fettle.”

Fans backed the plans for an older squad, singing “He’s got no hair, but we don’t care, Aaron, Aaron Mooy, we’re Huddersfield Town, we do what we want.”

Hudson, who conveniently can be encouraged with the rest of the squad with an efficient “Come on you Huddy,” said new strength and conditioning coach John Davies had been a great help.

“John is still recovering from the time he walked a bit fast up the hill to St Annes whilst visiting his pal in Nottingham, and from that, he developed an innovative ‘last up the hill gets the bath’ training regime.”

The Town squad have set up their summer training camp in Holmfirth. Davies’ controversial training regime sees the last one up sent down the hill in a bath to try again.

“We’re going to wear down the league with the power of our passion,” wheezed Davies. His confidence was matched by local lad Derek Charlesworth:

“I remember the last time we were at Wembley, in 95, when we beat Bristol Rovers 2-1 in t’old 3rd Div play off. I tell you what pal, I don’t get to matches as often as I should, but we’re going to have this. Leeds who?”

Gemma Wheeler sounded a note of caution however, recalling “Our beans gave my husband great strength, but he still died.”

Like many satirists, Johnny Wapping accepts he is an arsehole, and thinks society could be better if we were all willing to accept what arseholes we are. If you see him on Facebook, why not ask if he's read the article?