After announcing their proposal for elderly social care, Theresa May and the Conservative Party went down in the polls harder than an OAP slipping on an icy path.

Dubbed as the ‘Dementia Tax’ the proposal saw the elderly paying for their own care using their total equity. In essence the policy will see the equity of the person receiving care being deducted by the government after the Individual dies, but ensuring at least £100,000 is left as inheritance.

This proposal strikes at the very heart of the Conservative voting majority – the elderly; who are reasonably scared that the party they support will quite literally pull the rings off their cold dead fingers.

As a result of this fear, the vague proposal has been picked apart like a packet of Werther’s Originals at a mid day bingo session, resulting in the Conservatives losing several points in the polls.

We asked 10 Downing Street for a statement on the disastrous points plunge; a PM aide said

“We aren’t to scared, we will continue to have the BBC and papers batter these senile old bags with anti Labour stories.”

“We are pretty confident by the time June 8th rolls around they’ll be dead already or won’t remember anything about the dementia tax or our refusal to ensure pension security; instead they’ll just remember we are offering a Strong and Stable government and the Corbyn is a beardy wierdy.”

19th century vegetable highwayman/ satirist. Likes: the sound of a solitary house fly loitering hectically around his ear and the feeling of a warm toilet seat. Favourite topic: writing about political intrigue involving biscuits.