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    Categories: National News

Tim Farron forced to hand over lunch money during visit to primary school

Tim Farron has today visited a primary school in Bacup in an effort to convince voters that the Lib Dems absolutely, cross their hearts hope to die, will not fuck it up over education this time round.

During the 2 hour stay Farron addresses the press to discuss his parties policies, as well as spending 30 minutes amongst the children.

It has been reported to the Herald that within 10 minutes, teachers assistants were required to rescue Farron, who was viciously bullied by the classroom of 6 year olds.

“Mr Farron has suffered minor Chinese burns, a peanutted tie and had to relinquish his lunch money.” Said the school nurse.

We were unable to reach the Lib Dem leader for comment. However his aide stated.

“Tim is rather shaken up and is waiting in the reception class snug for his mum to come and collect him.”

Dick Turnip: