Jeremy Corbyn is to be charged with electoral fraud by the CPS following reports that, although clearly unelectable, he has been winning elections since the early 1980’s.
“It’s an open and shut case.” An unnamed source inside the CPS, who just happens to be a significant Conservative Party donor, told The Rochdale Herald’s Democratic Accountability Correspondent.
“You listen to that Laura girl at the BBC and any commercial media reporter and they’ll tell you he is plainly unelectable. So it must be fraud. And we’re putting a stop to it now. This is definitely a boy’s job.”
A warrant for Mr. Corbyn’s arrest has been issued as Mr. Corbyn is a well known hide and seek champion, even if no match for Ms May.
Clearly this means Mr Corbyn will be unable to attempt to commit the same crime again on June 8th, as being charged by the CPS proves how unelectable he is. So there is no need to put it to a ballot.
Asked who is to stand in Islington North in his place, an insider at Labour Party HQ said they intend to fight the charges and Jeremy will still be leader of the party regardless of which prison he may end up in.
Rumours suggest that Tony Blair is keen to stand though, but he has absolutely nothing to do with the charges being brought against Mr. Corbyn.
It’s just that he’s plainly electable. His handling of the Iraq War proved he is both strong and stable. Unlike Jeremy, clearly.