Conservatives clap to celebrate clear lead as misdirectional muppetry
f/makes news yet again after the Telegraph published the definitely not at
all orchestrated and not tailored to a chosen demographic ICM poll results.

“It’s a genius plan, you gotta admit!” says Conservative camp.

“Come on, calling an election with no manifesto and then keeping quiet while our Media chums assassinate Corbyn while we get our shit together – Machiavellian Mastery mate, Machiavellian Mastery.”

“We’re polling great without lifting a metaphorical finger” an unnamed party insider revealed candidly to Donna Bellieviti of The Rochdale Herald.

“If we can just keep the shits on the street from sussing out our strong and stable sales script, were onto a winner!”

“After the election, Now that everyone is used to paying National Insurance, we’re going to trial P.P.I. 2.0 :- Political Puppetry Insurance, where everyone declared fit for work by Atos medical is required by law to pay a small percent of their projected possible pay packet directly toConservative coffers, so we can keep the opposition at bay. It worked for the banks back in the day, where do you think the cash for our donations came from, their bonuses? Guffaw!”

“The beauty of the scam, oops sorry -scheme- is, unless you’re on enough money to not need a corporate handout, you won’t be able to afford the coming comprehensive conservative cover premiums.”

“But no worries, for the underprivileged, we’ve created and developed the ‘turd party liars theft’ policy.”

When asked about the cost of compulsory key cover and home office emergency add on’s, the Conservatives kept quiet on details, blaming and berating Jeremy Corbyn for making the market too volatile to define a price right now. “If only he’d do us a favour and shuffle off this mortal coil quick, we could figure out how to shaft people and maximise profits much easier.”

“Once we’ve secured our borders and locked our public in by removing their EU passports and international health cover, as well as being hated like only Yanks and lounger grabbing Gerrys used to be, they’ll have no choice but to buy what we’re selling, and then we can show you what trickle-down economics is all about”.

Get monthly highlights in your inbox