Following numerous occasions where he was always the bridesmaid, Nigel Farage is now delighted to be at the top of his tree in his chosen field.

After the announcement that Prince Philip has retired from professional duties, Mr Farage has now proclaimed himself to be the top purveyor of ignorance in the UK.

The former runner up of about nine elections in his own village and instigator of hateful posters and transportation fabrication is now relishing the prospect of making unbelievably stupid comments when making personal appearances

“It’s not enough for me to upset the Europeans at my place of work, I want to get out to the far reaches of the world and make harsh comments about their personal appearance and use crude stereotypes and insult them under my breath near a microphone”

“That crazy Greek feller was the best, sometimes he upset people without even knowing but now I can take the mantle on and really make my mark as one of the most despicable people ever to hold office.”