Rochdale Community University Hospital was proud to announce the complete success of their most prestigious piece of cosmetic neurosurgery today.

Originally described as a procedure to address severe epileptic seizures, Dr. Brian M. Bolism of the Department of Celebrity Neural Adjustments was able to reveal that Katie Hopkins’ neurosurgery in 2016 was actually part of her career development in the field of “method trolling”.

“As you may remember,” Dr. Bolism explained, “Katie once piled on the pounds in order to sneer at fat people. In that spirit, it was felt that removing some bits of her brain would better enable her to pour scorn on the mentally vulnerable, and those who show any compassion for them.”

“Of course, such a radical intervention took time to show results,” he said. “But we were very heartened by the Jack Monroe case, when Katie absolutely refused to acknowledge a mistake and, instead of admitting she’d publicly dropped a massive bollock, immediately doubled down on the original libel so that an expensive court loss was inevitable. No rational or fully-functioning person would have done that, so the signs were good for us.”

He continued. “There was always a danger that by suffering a mental impairment herself, she might actually start to both identify and, God forbid, sympathise with the mentally afflicted.”

“Fortunately Katie is a trouper,” Brian beamed. “By publicly attacking younger members of the Royal Family who have attempted to help and support the travails of those with mental issues, she has demonstrated the complete efficacy of the treatment.”

“As of today, we can proudly announce that all lingering traces of empathy and any last vestiges of humanity have been completely excised from Katie’s brain.”

 

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